A Tale of Tears

The last four days have been exponentially harder than I predicted them to be. My thought process was that I would finish my last shift on Tuesday and cry and be sad that I was leaving some awesome people behind. Ell the tears started around 2:30 in the morning on Tuesday because I started running a fever and hallucinating and everything hurt. The next three hours were spent in and out of consciousness until I finally was able to keep my self awake long enough to call the shipment team and tell them that I was not coming in.  This made me even more sad because I missed my last shift! I missed my last chance to have fun with my team and to say goodbye to my store. Stupid sickness. Stupid fever. I hate feeling not normal. 

However, the next two days weren't any easier. I knew I had to pack my room while still feeling like I was hit by a bus but I had no motivation to on Tuesday so Wednesday inherited that project. I had to do this and keep my self alive all while not being allowed to go outside of my room without sanitizing. i got to a point where packing was just so boring and depressing that i sat in box and literally packed myself. 

I should not have done this. All it did was make me sad about leaving and not being able to say goodbye to work and my nephews. I wasn't allowed to have fun with my nephews because we couldn't risk them getting sick. Eventually I did get out of the box and continued to pack but it wasn't a fun day. Thursday morning I was able to give one nephew a hug and say a very small goodbye before continue to pack everything. Amanda came to shove my stuff and my self in her car and we got to Orlando around 2:30. We struggled for 30 minutes to get half of the stuff from her car up 3 flights of stairs to my apartment before I had to go to orientation. Orientation went fine but my quest for a shower rod afterward did not. And I forgot to buy a tooth brush and detergent.

I ended my first day in Orlando wanting to go home and thinking about all of the things that could possibly go wrong this semester. I texted Catherine and she told me to hang in there which I know is what I have to do. Somehow I have to come up with motivation to unpack and convince my self to stay here as if it wasn't the only thing I don't want to do. Oh boy. Welcome to grad school?