Leading the Way

"We're following the leader, the leader, the leader! We're following the leader, wherever he may go" -Following the Leader- Peter Pan

Except that he is a she in my case. I am leading my store's skit for this little challenge we have been offered. While today was my day off, I ended up going in to work and I came up with some more ideas for the the video. I'm really excited to get to work on it and I hope that my co-workers are ready to sit and look hilarious!

Faith and Trust

"Oh yeah! And a little bit of dust!" -Peter Pan

Before I went back to school this year, I grabbed my planner and flipped to the notes section in the back of the book to write down a few things. 

You see, earlier that day I had one of many meltdowns about graduate school. "I'm not going to make it. I'm not going to pass the G.R.E. Who can I even ask about letters of recommendation?" I kept doubting myself and it felt easier to just throw my self on the nearest surface and sob or scream or just panic about the situation rather than trying to fix them. Well I started to have another meltdown later in the day and something kicked in and said "Absoultely not. No more of this," after which I was auto-piloted upstairs and started rumagging through everything to find a little red book. I found the notes section and with a red pen wrote down "I believe" statements until I couldn't come up with anymore. I furiously wrote until I was so tired of writing the words "I believe" and "I can" and " I am" that I wanted not to be able to come up with anything else. Until my hand hurt.

 I was writing them all down for multiple reasons. For one thing, I wanted to be able to turn to that page in my planner anytime I was having a doubting-myself kind of day and feel better. I was also writing them all down so that I had everything panned out if a teacher or a mentor told me they wouldn't write me a recommendation because they didn't think I could do it. I was writing them to believe in myself. As I finished writing them, I realized I already did; doubt was just blocking my view.

I post this today because I need to keep believing in myself as I settle in back at home for the next 7-12 months. I need to believe in my abilities to motivate myself to unpack, to look for jobs if I don't end up getting in to graduate school, to learn how to drive. Most of all I need believe in everyone else. I've learned that if I think the worst of people then I get the worst back. It's something in Psychology called a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy; I expect someone/thing to be one way so then I subconsciously treat them way X,Y, or Z and then they end up treating me the way I though they would. I can't let that happen. 

I need to believe that the people that I will eventually interview with at UCF and at Xavier will like what I have to say and what I can bring to their programs. I need to believe in my ability to land an interview at those schools. I need to believe in dreams, imagination, faith, trust, goodness. 

I encourage you to believe too.

(SIDE NOTE: EVERYONE PLEASE WELCOME CATHERINE TO THE DAILY BLOGGING WORLD!!! I BELIEVE IN YOU!!)

Not All Bad

"When there's a smile in your heart!There's no better time to start! Think of all the joy you'll find when you leave the world behind! And bid your cares goodbye!" You Can Fly - Peter Pan

I had originally planned for today's post to be about believing in yourself as time goes on and sharing the lists of things I believe about my self. However, February apparently didn't appreciate me telling it to behave as a month so it threw me a curve ball today and made me fight with my assignments for 14 hours. And only get three hours of sleep. Thank Tinker Bell that February is only 28 days.

Today started at 330 am when I decided to be productive and work on my video presentation for my internship. I finished around 430 or 5 am and tried to upload it. At noon it still hadn't budged past 49% and I shut down my computer. In the time that I had wasted waiting on that file to load I finished three loads of laundry and managed to take 6 thirty minute naps. The down side to this is that I had to miss the first event with my sorority's pledges/ my university's championship celebration.

I did however get to go out with a friend of mine who bought me lunch and a cupcake and taught me a little bit about making contraptions with parts from Home Depot. You go Glen Coco. After that lovely little reprieve from my evil assignments I was sentenced to 5 more hours of fighting and converting and praying and hoping that this infernal thing would just upload to the correct place. It decided to work about 15 minutes ago.

Now I am rewarding my self by going out with some of my sisters and my beautiful Biggles to dance the night away before I do a whole different assignment and study for the GRE tomorrow. Happy thoughts. Faith, Trust, Pixie Dust. I can fly?