I Want It That Way

I decided in the car earlier today that I wanted today's post to be about food. I've been trying for months to wean myself off of going out to eat. I love going to Moe's and Kyoto, I love getting pizza, I love getting burgers and fries. I have a very hard time limiting myself to eating only the food that I can make. That being said, I made some decisions after my birthday to budget the money I am able to spend on going out to eat and doing stuff for my own entertainment and this will continue into the new year. So far I have done really well! I made myself all three meals yesterday and two so far today since I was at work. My plan is to continue to make all of my own food and stick to the budget A) because it is less expensive and B) because it's healthier. 

I want to strive to achieve better eating habits and a healthier lifestyle and I think these are good steps to start with. What types of changes are you thinking about making this year? 

Let's Go to the Beach-each

It is amazing to think about where I was this time last year. As 2015 began I was preparing to take the next step in my education and getting ready to move to Orlando for graduate school. I was spending my last few days at my store with my amazing cast of characters. I was starting to feel sad about all of the things I was going to miss about my store and all of the memories I was not going to get to make with my nephew since I wasn't going to be at my sister's house. I was starting to worry about my capabilities as a future counselor. I was angry with myself for not saving more money. I was procrastinating packing all of my things. And I was filling out FAFSA, which I have yet to do for this year. 

Anyway, this year has already been different from last year in many ways. I'm in a different city surrounded by a different cast with various new friends and enemies. I woke up at the beach *shudder* in the arms of someone I care deeply about and then we took a stroll. I don't know what 2016 has in store for me but so far I like it. 

Welcome to the Future

My journey of writing everything down start two years ago today when I made a decision to write my life down; to hold my self accountable by putting details "on paper." I remember getting lazy with my posts in 2014 and I remember wanting to cut corners/ complaining to myself about how much effort this was. It was fulfilling to reach the end of the year though  and honestly it made the year feel like it meant something. 2015 hasn't been easy but there have been so many times this year when I have gone "that would have been today's blog post" about something that happened on a given day that I realized I miss being here. So here we go again! Tomorrow starts another 365 page book about my life and I am going to make it a good one damn it. I know that some big changes are in store for me in 2016 so the sequel should at least be interesting. I'm sure we'll meet new characters (both friend and foe), have new adventures, hear new words of wisdom and maybe even see a love story unfold. It's my life and I make the choice to embrace this next year of experiences. Happy New Year everyone.

Well

I don't know where else to say this so why not say it here? 

I don't have to post the link anywhere or share with anyone. It's my intellectual property right? I refuse to feel bad for expressing my feelings.

I woke up one day a few months ago and I realized everything was different between us. You changed your mind about the path you wanted and made a new one. I'm not part of that path apparently. You might blame me for that, who knows. I don't know how to fix it or even if I want to. We were so close. We had so many plans. I'm not sure how I am supposed to feel about that or where to go. I know I'm hurt by the fact that so much time was wasted and that I can't go back. Oh well

Flurry of Entries

Living weeks with Wednesday as my Monday is challenging. Getting back into the swing of documenting my thoughts and actions and what not for this class is even more challenging. I guess I'll start with my first day back at work (Friday) after the"abstinence period" started. There was also some trouble on Saturday since I saw some cast member friends and then I have a general post about the process so far.

Friday- May 29^th

I have been Disney free since Wednesday but going back to work throws a wrench into the situation. The assignment is abstain from something we would miss but wouldn't hurt us and all I had to bargain with was Disney but I work for the company so balancing what behaviors are acceptable and not is complicated. I came up with anything that the store (not the castmembers) provides and expects of me is acceptable as long as I am clocked in or as I am entering or leaving the building (in a timely fashion). I am also very angry at the fact that this assignment comes just as my favorite part of the year starts at work: trivia. Of course, this year trivia is not part of the work day. Instead it is an extra, outside activity on the company's social media page which means that I cannot participate. I am very unhappy about this fact but I want to do the assignment justice so no trivia for me. I have also explained to most of the other castmembers what the assignment is and what I can and cannot do both on and off the clock. I slipped a little and caught myself in the middle of a conversation about some castmembers' park excursions to which I just left the conversation. After work I came home and tried finish clearing my environment. I never quite realized how much Disney stuff I have in my room/possession. 

Saturday- May 30^th

I called one of my sorority sisters "Kraken" because that is her nickname and I'm not sure if that counts as a slip or a relapse. Yes Pirates of the Caribbean is a Disney film and that is why she is called Kraken but if that is what she wants me to call her, is that on me? Does that count as a trigger? Anyway, Kraken, her sister Amanda and I went out to dinner after work and that was challenging. Both of them are CM's at the parks and one of the reasons we get along so well is because of how much we all know and enjoy and can talk about Disney. I told these particular friends a week ago about the assignment and the parameters and both of them violently shook their heads in protest. These girls cannot live without Disney so when we went to dinner I had to keep telling them "I can't talk about that" or "I can't look/hear about that" which was consistently followed by: "Dang it! This is so hard!" What I did allow myself to talk about was my job and how my day went. I don't feel as though that counts as talking about Disney but maybe I am wrong? I'll have to run it by my group. So far, I mainly miss going to the parks and watching shows and participating in trivia. Only five more weeks right?

Tuesday- June 2^nd

 Generally, I find this assignment more of a nuisance than a challenge. The only real effort I have to put forth is avoiding Disney things from friends. On my own I seem to be doing fine. Whenever I someone posts about Disney on a day I’m actually checking social media I just try to scroll past it as fast as I can. Am I supposed/expected to delete or hide that person? Is that the seriousness of what we would be asking a client to do? I did have a slip today when I was searching Vine to find a video for a friend. I was scrolling through and since the videos on the app start playing as you as you scroll to them I had no way of knowing what it was until it was over. The video was the actor who played Esteban on The Suite Life of Zack and Cody reciting his really long name while helping some girl in a hotel. I always knew that Disney was everywhere but that just wasn’t necessary.

I'm BBBBaaaaacccccckkkkk

But it isn't a daily thing. I'm in the second week of my summer semester and I have an assignment that requires three check ins a week and what better way to do a check in than with something I am used to! What assignment you ask? Well for my addictions class we had to give up something that made us physically ill to think about living without for six weeks. I had a really hard time finding a vice because I grew up under the impression that nothing is permanent and just because you have something doesn't mean you need it. I also don't drink, I try not to go out to eat unless I have no other food in the house, I drink nothing but water, and I tend to make all of my own food so all I had to bargain with was...

Disney.

For the next six weeks I cannot go to the parks, look up/play trivia, read/search for articles about Disney, watch Disney movies (that includes live action movies like Pirates of the Caribbean and any of the MARVEL films), listen to Disney music, tell Disney stories, or do any of my Disney impressions outside of work. I have to take all of my Disney stuff OUT of my room and stop wearing any of my Disney shirts. UGH! I'm going to die. 

The first part of the assignment was to write a letter to our substance or behavior to address how it is our friend and our enemy, how it comforts us and makes us feel hopeless much like a client entering recovery would have to do. If you would like to read my letter you can find it here: http://positivelyperplexing.blogspot.com/p/letter-to-my-behavior.html

Lets see how long I can actually do this for. 

I Swear I Meant to Write

Okay so I admit that I haven't been on in awhile and that my weekly blogging dreams for February just didn't happen. I chalk that up to the conference at the end of January and then assignments and work taking over. February in a nutshell was a roller coaster of happy and sad, excited and bored. I had a date and I don't know how I felt about it. Work intimidated me and then made me laugh at how ridiculous it could be. I went to Disney like 6 times and took SO MANY BUSES TO AND FROM WORK IT IS RIDICULOUS!! I also started driving lessons and spent 300 dollars on prescription sunglasses so that I don't close my right eye whilst driving. 

The predominate emotional throughout February though has been sadness.  Adjusting to this new life is apparently not something I can do right away which is odd for me. I have always been able to figure things out and adapt and that skill just isn't kicking in here. I love my major and what I'm learning but I seem to hate everything else. I'm trying so hard to be positive and to figure everything out but all I want to do is break down and cry (like today on the bus) or curse the universe (also like today on the bus) or see how I can go home (again, one of the things I did on the bus). Of course then logical Kaitlin takes over and says "start studying for Wednesday's test" and being sad isn't an option (on the bus).

Pixie dust for March?