January 12, 2015

The best way to spend a Friday is to do nothing. All I've done is sleep, drink water, watch movies, music, and stalk  my sorority sisters as today was induction. Actually I lied, I also awkwardly pseudo-flirted with a friend of mine and I planned trips Busch Gardens and maybe Halloween Horror Nights.

Today I also learned that if I get in to either of my graduate program they will start January 12th, 2015. I've never been more torn about a decision in my life. If I go (which I want to obviously) what happens to my family at work? I know what is best is to pursue my therapy dreams as if no other dreams existed however, I don't want to leave my family here. Loss has never been a big deal in my life. When I graduated and I lost my sisters, it was hard to get used to it.  To go from seeing people all the time to not even speaking to more than half of them has proven to be a challenge even this far into the year. When I go back to school, is that what is going to happen with the people I love from work? I just don't know how to prevent that. And the only way I can see how is to not go but that is not option.

I will figure it all out. I know that I'm going to grad school and preferably in the spring. However, if the fates decide otherwise then I get more time with friends.

Losing a Student

Today I learned a valuable lesson for both my present self and my future self. Half of  the students at my internship are new and the other half have been in the program for at least a month. There are now a total of 8 middle schoolers which are the group of kids that I work with most often. I'm pretty good buddies with what used to be 4 of the 8. Until today. 

My favorite hate to love/love to hate student ran away from his home for five days, lost his placement at my internship and now he has to go to Pensacola to be apart of a real juvenile detention center. Mikael (not his real name) is not the first student to be labeled on the run nor will he be the last. He was however, a really good kid. I don't know what he did to end up involved with the law but he's  not that troubled of a kid. Mikael hadn't missed a single day of school and he was rocking a 4.0 GPA before he ran. He had completed all of his sanctions and was about to be taken off of probation. He was almost done! 

"Losing" Mikael really upsets me and I've only known him for a month. He was one of the main reasons I was so excite to go every Tuesday and Thursday. I felt that I could possibly make a difference in his life. I still want to. I'm legitimately worried about this 15 year old kid.

The lesson I learned was that I can't let myself get attached so easily. I'm not in control of anyone else's actions so I cannot count on anyone else to keep doing a behavior or to not to a behavior. The same thing applies later on.  I won't be able to count on a client to listen to my opinion or not to relapse or to keep up with a program. As much as I want to, it's not an option.

Subject of Loss

When we think of those companions who traveled by our side down life's road, let us not say with sadness that they left us behind, but rather say with gentle gratitude that they once were with us.

Author Unknown

I've lost quite a few family members in my time here on Earth. My uncle, my aunt, my mother. All people I had to say goodbye to at one point or another. I've lost pets that felt like family and I've been separated from people that were practically family. Loss isn't selective. 

In 1988, 27 people lost their lives in the worst drinking and diving related accident to date. 24 of them were children under 15 who suffocated or who were burned due to the crash. We watched a documentary about this crash at my internship as part of the behavioral adjustment program in order to deter the kids from drinking and driving. Out of the 9 or so students who were there to view the film, 3 were awake and paying attention. Yet another example of loss but in this case a loss of an opportunity to learn something.