There's Two Kinds of Prayers on Your Knees

And I used one today except I was just sitting in the car. Today was agitating. From the moment it started at 5:55 this morning it was just bad. My technology didn't work, I was late for work, I was coached at work (for something that three people then went and did exactly like I did it and it was okay), and then I was told that the counseling style I am comfortable with I need to stop doing. Today was agitating, infuriating, saddening, and painful. I did not like today. And now I get to go to bed. 

It's My Life

And it's chaotic. Like this morning. When I scared myself awake because I didn't set an alarm because passed out. Where I discovered that my hot chocolate from last night spilled and I then spent the next hour and half covered in oxyclean. Only to spend another hour getting ready for practicum where everything was just out of sorts. And then group. 

Group went better than we expected. These kids will be difficult to reach for certain things but that will just mean more things to learn. Not to start planning for our next session. Or we could just sleep? 

I'm definitely ready for sleep. 

Well almost, I should take my killer eyeliner off and brush my teeth. Goodnight 

It's Electrifying

Today has been a long day especially since I did not nap. My supervision was canceled due to illness but I'll have it on Wednesday instead so it will be okay. Ilysa and I made a pretty stellar wellness worksheet for the kiddos in group on Thursday which is awesome. She typed it up and it is very nice. I really hope that the kids respond well to the idea of create a plan to help them better themselves and understanding balance. I already know I'm going to get attached to them rather quickly so it will be good for my development as a counselor to be able to learn not to be so invested in my child clients. 

I Don't Want Good and I Don't Want Good Enough

Today has been another long day and I am so excited to go to bed in a few minutes. Any way, work was exciting but dragged on since I don't feel very well. I have another day of work tomorrow and then FOUR DAYS OF NO WORK AND HUNTER HAYES ON SATURDAY! 

Also! Looking for apartments is hard. Nothing seems to exist that has what we are looking for, is in an okay location, and isn't going to be far from everythiinnngggggg. 

You Can Set Yourself on Fire

And I did just that today in the motivation department! That long shift that I talked about yesterday started today at 7 in the morning which meant that I had to be awake and functioning enough to pack lunch by 5:30. FIVE THIRTY IN THE MORNING! There was FROST on my windshield. The whole thing was ridiculous. 

Anyway, I managed to wake myself up and get out the door on time (this is an amazing feat for me) so I'm proud of that. At work I got to work as a pair with another castmember (Adam, his name is Adam) so that we could sign the whole store and make sure everything was right. AND WE DID THAT TOO! LOOK AT US! 

I folllowed work up with a two hour nap and then sat through class. Class was not interesting and all I wanted to do was go home and nap. But as the fates would have it, I got home and immediately wasn't tired. Instead of sleeping, I made some food, did some laundry, and went over what I accomplished last week (Pictures one) versus what I need to accomlish this week (Picture 2). Lets just say  need to work on actually finishing the things I write down. 

Song 2

Today has been hard. Unexpected surprises, driving back from Tampa, and a long shift at work are not my favorite things to have happen in one day. But they did. I arrived home from work around 9:55 and I have been planning Disney things ever since. I decided to give Peter's mom a day at Disney for her birthday so he and I have been working on getting all of those details ironed out.

Long days throw me off kilter. I just don't know how to do them anymore. I was the champion at staying awake (waking up, not so much) and I was pretty good at being constantly on the go but I just feel so drained. The next few weeks probably aren't going to help that at all. Cue the extra dose of worry and stress? 

I am Machine, I Never Sleep

Well that's not true but since I took a nap yesterday as soon as I came home from work I ended up not going to bed until 4:30am. What time did I have to be up to get ready to for practicum? The answer we're looking for is 8:30 am. My makeup was on fleek but the lightening was not so no picture exists to prove that. 

So it's been a long day. No sleep followed by five hours of getting to know the practicum set up and then it was time for date night. We ended up at the outlet malls and just wandered around for four hours. We're so boring. 

I Dislike Opening

I have become so accustom to closing at the store that opening seems foreign to me. I think I would honestly prefer to close. Which I will do tomorrow! Today though I feel like things went okay. I got everything I wanted to finish finished and two of those things I came up with and didn't have to be told which makes me feel better.

Today wasn't as productive as yesterday because the majority of my hours were spent somewhere else but I did get some more apartment research in after making a complete fool of my self while ordering dinner (and after watching AHS of course). SIDENOTE: THE GUY AT THE RESTAURANT WAS RIDICULOUSLY ATTRACTIVE AND I LOOKED THE EXACT OPPOSITE.

World's Not Ending

You know what I do when I get sad (OR WHEN I WATCH WEDDING SHOWS)?

I look up bridal gowns. Or I stare at pictures of bridal gowns that I already have saved, like this one.

I'm sad for so many reasons but its not the "sob sob my world is ending" type of sad. It's the type of sad that makes you almost want to cry but then you decide it's not worth it. The kind of sad that talking about it doesn't make you more upset but doesn't quite help with. I'm sad because I feel like no one in my current situation feels that I am useful or important. Like I'm a novice at everything. It is difficult to explain. I guess I am also a little disappointed about this date that I may or may not have actually had. We were supposed to figure out specifics today but he just never texted me back. I guess that's fine.  I got to see Kayla, talk to Greg, and then I get to go to Howl o Scream tomorrow. 

Like I said, the world isn't ending.

If I Can't

Saturdays can be pretty unnerving in my life. Between all the extra curricular activities the family can be a part of and the multitude of people that I can encounter at work, I can end up pretty tired.  Add that in to an extended shift that consisted of doing things that I'm not confident in my ability to do (while still being very sick) equals a mini mental breakdown.

We get to build things every once in a while at work and most people don't think twice about those days. Then there's me. In theory, building things is the easiest requirement of my job. For some reason this is the exact opposite for me. I look at those instructions and I just get lost and overwhelmed. AND THEN I GET SO MAD AT MYSELF FOR NOT KNOWING HOW TO DO SOMETHING! I don't really understand the logic behind it but it has always been there.

On the up side, I got through half of a season of "Once Upon a Time" and I am completely smitten with Captain Hook and Emma's ship (see what I did there?)!

A Long Day

Maybe not quite as long as long cat but my day was definitely long for only having been back at work for the second time.

This is definitely not meant to be taken as a "woe is me! I had to work for seven hours! My life is so difficult," type of post. I appreciate having the hours and having a job in general. I just have never been the primary every thing at my job for 5/7 hours and for a Wednesday we were fairly busy.

Today I met many people who were here on vacation. People from Australia, Austria, Brazil, and Curacao came in to the store to get all kinds of gifts and clothes for loved ones and themselves. It so interesting to me to hear everyone's story when they come to the store. The couple that visited from Austria, for instance, is here with their children and grandchildren for the first time. Tomorrow they will be going to Disney for the first time and they wanted to pick up some shirts. Go them. What was really interesting about the couple's story was the grandfather figure had visited Florida 25 years ago and he was really excited to make comparisons. So far, as he told me, everything as changed and its magnificent. We are a "beautiful state."

Super Long Day

So this is going to be really short because if it isn't then I'm ping I have missed a day and I won't let that happen.

In summary, today was very log and very stressful. I took out a loan, bought lots of food, almost got food poisoning from Starbucks and then had to deal with a bunch of drama. On the upside, I was able to secure my first letter of recommendation today and I get to participate in an intake interview at my internship tomorrow!!