The Lost Days

To be honest, I didn't realize it had been  eight days. I some how missed eight days of posts and I don't even know how I did that. I won't have an even number of posts, as much as I wanted do. I wont have 365 days to look back on. It just won't be there because I didn't keep up. I thought this was important enough for me to stay dedicated but certain days I just don't believe that. I struggle. I struggle a lot to keep myself on track with more than just this. I struggle to meet certain deadlines, I struggle to be nice to people all the time, I struggle to keep budgeting, to not go out to eat, to not stay up late, to lose weight, to clean my room.

I guess I thought that if I could maintain this, then I *wasn't* bad at keeping up with something. The truth is I am. I'm bad at staying on top of things as much as I say that I am. I get distracted by school and Sims and TV and sleep and various other things that suddenly become the most important when I have other things to be doing. I then feel awesome about myself for actually completing something but I never keep it up.

I have no idea what I did over the last eight days. I can't remember everything. I know that Peter and I got approved for the apartment which was awesome. But now we have to worry about money. I know that I talked to Catherine and her friends about planning a Disney trip. But then I forgot to book it and get back to everyone in a timely manner (I took care of it all today but I could have taken care of it when I said I was going to). I know that I finished a bunch of assignments. But that was so I could put off applying for internships and focusing on my big projects coming up. This idea of productive procrastination (procrastination in general to be honest) has to stop but I don't know how to motivate myself to do that. I always thought I was so good at time management but I've lost that skill somehow. Hell, I purchased two planners this semester, one of which has a whole sections for goals and to do lists and awesomeness but I don't even know where that one is right now!. I'm such a mess.

I want to be a fully functioning adult. I want to be able to look at my life and actually feel like things are going more than okay. I want things to go well. I want things to be functional and productive and happy and fulfilling. I just feel like I need a babysitter to help me achieve all of those things. I know, I know- positive outcomes only. I know that I need to be looking at this from a strengths based perspective. I know that I should be focusing on all of the things that I can do/am already doing right.

I'm just not motivated.

Change Not Accepted

Warning: a rant is ensuing

My school kind of did this thing where it changed some stuff and now everyone is mad. You'd think it wouldn't be that big of and deal but everyone is very, VERY angry with the people behind this change. Including me.

As I walked home from class today, I finally figured out what exactly makes me so mad about all of this. Launching the campaign titled "Ignition Tradition" and then telling us that change is the best way to keep tradition was their first mistake. Tradition is about repetition and sanctity. It does not experience large changes. By changing a tradition too much it becomes a new tradition all together. I repeat, NEW TRADITION. You are no longer upholding the same tradition as before. You literally cannot drastically change a tradition and call it te same as before. 

Their second mistake was failing to alert and involve the student body in the changes. These people took something that was recognizable and sacred; something that displayed power, conviction, and determination to everyone who saw it and altered it with out asking the majority of the target population's opinion. They short changed the hundred of thousands of people who they want to buy the new product. They tried to shove the unwanted change to

our tradition down our throats and expected us not to say anything. How is that a smart business move?? How can what is essentially a business look at its target audience and say: " Yes, I think its a good move for us to change everything they are used to. They will obviously like it because we like it,"? Thats a pretty large gamble in my opinion and while they did ask for some approval, they didn't ask where it mattered. 

The choices made by all parties involved make me really angry with my school's judgement. I feel cheated and played. How would they feel if the students rallied together and suddenly unveiled a new uniform policy for all the staff that made them were Daisy Duke's and Hawaiian shorts everyday of their life and just expected them to be fine with it?

We are supposed to represent a tribe that is unconquered. Unconquered. They stuck to their guns and played the game smart to remain a tribe and not be picked off the planet by invading humans. Telling the student body to accept something we hate is essentially telling us to give up. Admit defeat, sell our lands and build casinos. It is telling us to stop being unconquered. It is saying that we have no say in our school and that we are to deal with what we're given. 

Well they're wrong. I don't have to deal with it. I don't have to buy anything or like your decision. I won't be conquered by consumerism and greed.