The Lost Days

To be honest, I didn't realize it had been  eight days. I some how missed eight days of posts and I don't even know how I did that. I won't have an even number of posts, as much as I wanted do. I wont have 365 days to look back on. It just won't be there because I didn't keep up. I thought this was important enough for me to stay dedicated but certain days I just don't believe that. I struggle. I struggle a lot to keep myself on track with more than just this. I struggle to meet certain deadlines, I struggle to be nice to people all the time, I struggle to keep budgeting, to not go out to eat, to not stay up late, to lose weight, to clean my room.

I guess I thought that if I could maintain this, then I *wasn't* bad at keeping up with something. The truth is I am. I'm bad at staying on top of things as much as I say that I am. I get distracted by school and Sims and TV and sleep and various other things that suddenly become the most important when I have other things to be doing. I then feel awesome about myself for actually completing something but I never keep it up.

I have no idea what I did over the last eight days. I can't remember everything. I know that Peter and I got approved for the apartment which was awesome. But now we have to worry about money. I know that I talked to Catherine and her friends about planning a Disney trip. But then I forgot to book it and get back to everyone in a timely manner (I took care of it all today but I could have taken care of it when I said I was going to). I know that I finished a bunch of assignments. But that was so I could put off applying for internships and focusing on my big projects coming up. This idea of productive procrastination (procrastination in general to be honest) has to stop but I don't know how to motivate myself to do that. I always thought I was so good at time management but I've lost that skill somehow. Hell, I purchased two planners this semester, one of which has a whole sections for goals and to do lists and awesomeness but I don't even know where that one is right now!. I'm such a mess.

I want to be a fully functioning adult. I want to be able to look at my life and actually feel like things are going more than okay. I want things to go well. I want things to be functional and productive and happy and fulfilling. I just feel like I need a babysitter to help me achieve all of those things. I know, I know- positive outcomes only. I know that I need to be looking at this from a strengths based perspective. I know that I should be focusing on all of the things that I can do/am already doing right.

I'm just not motivated.

31 More Days

I tried to find a picture or a quote that fit today but beginning of the end stuff was all depressing and I didn't  anything in my repertoire that I could pass on to you for inspiration so instead, you get a pun. If you can figure it out I've give you a cookie. You know, because I'm avoiding those and I'm sure there are a ton to be given.

There are so many things that I didn't accomplish this year. Like cooking and losing weight. I need to go sign up for my pole classes which I will do tomorrow because it is my day off and this is stupid. I have spent a year holding my self accountable for all of my nonsense and I still just kind of shrug it off. I am not able to motivate my self with letting myself down as the consequence. It just doesn't happen unfortunately. Maybe with more time? I'll have to give it some more thought.

December arrived wet and with a high of 76 degrees. Christmas time is not supposed to be this Floridian but as my sister keeps saying: "it's El Niño." (Whatever that means, I don't actually know.)

December means that I have roughly thirty more days of being a lead at work and I couldn't be more excited to give the reigns back to people who want to control things. I'll stick to sweeping. It also means that school is  just around the proverbial corner and it brings light to the cruel truth that I did not save the money I was supposed to save. Yes I have some of it but for 7 months worth of saving, it's deplorable. December will hopefully see me get the rest of my life in order. I should have my lease signed and turned in by the end of this week which I am going to be congratulating myself for by going to see Hunter Hayes. Now if only I could clean my room.

Success Versus Failure

So i think that this quote is pretty relevant to this post. In essence, the quote means that neither success nor failure is final. They both can change and it all depends on what we do next. The choices and decisions we make we make will result in either continued success of continued failure. 

After yesterday being full of disappointments I decided that I wanted today to be successful. I wanted to got to class, eat better, and start my physical therapy outside session exercises today. And I s successful until around 530.

I went to my 9 am class and continued to be productive through out my five hour work day. I started to set up some community service projects and looked into internships for the summer which is detrimental to my educational future. I ate a better lunch too!  After work I went and spent an hour doing all of my mandatory exercises for my ankle. These exercises are not fun, at all. They are actually really difficult due to my background as a drummer and a horseback rider but I'll make a post about the exercises in particular after my next physical therapy session. 

All of that was the successful part of my day. Then I came home and gave in to temptation to buy food that was bad for me. Lots of it. My saving grace of the day was *finally* cleaning off and remaking my bed.