Today

I started to write a status about how much I hate today. About how much today as left me feeling defeated and hopeless and all around insignificant. I started typing a rant and in the middle of typing that rant I decided that it wasn't who I wanted to represent myself. Today sucked, I won't deny that. My car broke, I was late to everything I had to do today, said car can't be easily or affordably fixed at this moment, every where I went there was a least a thirty minute line. The list goes on. And while I want nothing more than to type that list out and have whomever reads this share in the absolute shit show that was February 27th, 2017 I can't. These are not your problems to deal with and they are not significant enough problems for me to dwell on forever. Yes, there is more to the story and so much more is going on behind the scenes that I can't even begin to explain. But I'm alive. I'm supported by people who love me. I'm functioning. I'm going in the direction I want to be moving in. I'm breathing. I smiled today. I laughed. I hugged people I loved. I was picked up by a random, loving, kind woman named Sheryl who sat with me for almost three hours to help sort out my car drama!

Today I was blessed even if those blessing felt like a curse. Today I was looked after. Today I was loved. And while I still feel defeated, there is also a part of me that wants to say "Okay, what's next? What else do you need me to fight through?" I don't want to ask for my negative or dramatic things to happen. That is not my intent. But if more things must come, I want to the universe to know that I am ready. I will fight back. I will show this series of events that I will not be knocked for long. I'm too strong.

Believe You Can

"You can do anything, just not everything"

Today was a long day. Work went from 8-2, I got to see Kayla from 2-630, and then I started watching the Teen Wolf season finale marathon when I came home while I finished the last few modules of my permit course.

However, that isn't solely why today was long. You see, days take much more of a toll when they make you feel completely incapable of doing anything. Like at work for instance, I had to fight the tears the feeling of failure brought on. I know I'm still learning but I dislike disappointing myself and the fact that I cannot do everything right and in a timely manner is disappointing to me. To make matters worse, I also failed another permit practice test which is even more frustrating. I've been reviewing all of these things for 6 years. Yes, I have only been really getting in to the little details of them for the past month but 6 YEARS of effort should not result in my passing only 2 out of 9 tests. I don't understand.

Luckily, Kayla and an email from Dr. Sullivan saying my goal statement was brilliant made today better. I am capable of doing things obviously, now it is just getting to do the things I NEED to do. Big plate of belief in one's self, table 12?

Starting Something New

- www.big-apple-red.blogspot.com

I include this today because today is many things. For one, today is the First of July which means I am starting ab challenge again and I am planning out makeup looks to post about and I'm going to walk my dog everyday. I'm excited for these new challenges. They will give me SOMETHING to do other than the normal "Work, kids, boring" post. I can only post that so many times before I want to blow my own head off.

Today is also the literal half way point in the year. There are 365 days and today is day 182. Technically, if you were to divide 365 by 2 it would equal 182.5 so the post comes late in the day so that it is almost to the 183rd day. I know I posted about it being halfway over at the beginning of June and that was because June was 6 of 12 months. Today is literally halfway over. Whoa.

I have learned so many things about myself through this process and I really think that I have grown in these last six months. Yes I'm still afraid for fifty years from now but I am not so worried about my life right now and graduate school and my possible career options. I am strong and I have the abilities to accomplish what I want to do and I know that I am capable for achieving greatness.

Sorority Girl Life

I Know a Girl...
"If know a girl...
Who is amazing.
She runs a few miles a day, aces her classes,
organizes social events, and participates in all sorts of campus organizations.
At night she may go out and have fun, but she always manages to get everything done.

I know a girl...
Who will let you cry on her shoulder and will be there for you in times of need.
She has lots of friends and makes sure she leaves enough time to hang with them all.
She will give good advice and listen to your every word and thought with an unbiased ear.
She will love you for who you are and accept you no matter what.

I know a girl...
Who will smile even though she didn't have the greatest day.
She always brings her positive attitude and it's contagious.
Those who are around her want to smile too!

I know a girl...
Who will bring out the best in everyone she meets.
She has friends in many different houses on this campus as well as friends who are not Greek, because she does not care what house you're in.
Who parties it up at fraternity parties, but goes many other places at night.

You might know this girl too...
Whether you're in her house or not, everyone knows one of these girls.
She is my sister.
She might be your sister, or she might be someone else's.
Those that know this girl know what sororities are all about because she represents them in almost everything she does."

I know that I have mentioned my sorority multiple times in my posts but I don't think I've ever posted about my sorority. Obviously I'm in one and we are fairly small. Our smallness however is probably one of our best assists. Not having five bajillion girls to get to know is a real benefit when it comes to my sorority. We are tight knit and have really close friendships throughout our group.
Especially in my family which I am so ridiculously proud of! I love my big and all of my (many) littles and my wonderful cousin Catherine (who has foreveryoneshappiness.blogspot.com) and of course the rest of them as well! Well last night and this morning were kind of a big day for both the established sisters and the new girls. Big/Little lists were sent in and pairs were established. Soon all of the new girls will know who her big is and  what family she's in! 
It's so exciting!!! So for today's post I want to share the poem above and the picture I made as well as some advice about bigs, littles, and sisters in general. Your big is supposed to be your guiding force in the sorority. Someone who you can trust with your problems and just be yourself around without worries. Your little is someone you must be prepared to mentor and have fun with! She is your friend and someone you should always be there for. You sisters are you backbone, you support system. These are the girls that are going to be in many of you college memories and who a few of will be involved with the rest of your life. 
While this comes early in the semester , I feel that now is as good of a time as every o acknowledge that this was y last rush, my last hayride, and will be my last semester as a sister. So to my sisters, thank you for two wonderful years of laughter, support, and many fun times. I thank my big for being absolutely perfect and understanding and the salt to my pepper. I love you and I can't wait to see you again soon!! To ALL of my extraordinarily PERFECT littles, it's been my pleasure and an absolute honor to have been able to help each of you find your place in our little home away from home as well as having been a part of your college experience in anyway. And to all of the Nu's, I hope you have just as awesome of an experience as I have with these girls. I can't wait to visit you all later on! 


SIDENOTE: yesterday's post was actually day 38... Today is day 39!

Confidence is Key

"I am a princess. I am brave sometimes, I am scared sometime. Sometimes I am brave even when I’m scared. I believe in loyalty and trust. I believe loyalty is built on trust. I try to be kind. I try to be generous. I am kind even when others are not so generous. I am a princess. I think standing up for myself is important. I think standing up for others is more important but standing with others is most important. I am a princess. I believe compassion makes me strong. I believe kindness is power. And family is the tightest bond of all. I have heard I am beautiful. I know I am strong. “I promise and when I promise something, I never ever break that promise.” I am a princess, long may I reign." I am a Princess- Disney Commercial

After multiple tests to my patience (between last night and today) and a few other, less significant frustrations today, I won a contest for a free princess bow from a shoppe (Taylor'sThingamabobs) on Etsy. I follow Taylor on twitter and I won't lie, sometimes she drives me insane without flat out full of her self she can be however, the girl practically lives by the quote "I am a princess. Long may I reign" from the commercial script posted above. I commend her for that. 

It takes a strong and confident individual to not let themselves be effected by name calling and negativity. She's received a ton of it for reasons I understand and reasons I don't. But she doesn't let it get to her as much as it would most people. As much as it would bother me. I like to think and act as though I'm a pretty tough individual. For the most part I am. Constant negativity and constant bullying however would ruin me in a matter of days. There's no need for that kind if behavior in the world. It just not something that should exist and I plan on being there to lessen it as much as possible this semester with the kids that I will be working with starting next week. I will be walking in to my internship with my head held high ready to behave like the princess I am. Like the princess (or prince) we all are.