All The Time

Now that question sounds more dramatic than I am intending. I also found that in that format on the interwebs so any grammar mistakes in that square do not belong to me. The rest of course do. Anyway, today's post isn't very happy regardless of all the new experiences I am gaining from work. I just feel so stuck and yet out of place due to this whole grad school debacle. I really don't know what I should do. I have thought of four people to email an call tomorrow (DAY OFF WOOO) however those people don't know what I am capable of. I have interacted with them enough to be comfortable talking to them in class but to ask for a recommendation? I don't think I have earned that honor. I just highly dislike the confusion and general LIFE ALTERING WEIGHT of this situation. I believe in fate and that the universe/Merlin/God/Banana People from planet Pluto has/have a reason for everything, I just cannot figure out what the reason is for losing a recommender. Maybe I'm not meant to see it right now but the idea that this would happen just weeks before final applications are due even though I have been emailing them since March is just baffling to me.

In regards to the square of text. I understand that not everyone, myself included, is happy all the time. That isn't a normal thing to expect. There are going to be stressors and situations that alter are emotional state. I will say though, the amount of people who could answer that questions "everyday" is one of the reasons I want to be a counselor. You shouldn't feel trapped or scared or sad but fake being happy. And if you do then you shouldn't feel compelled to fake being happy.


ALSO: To the anonymous commenter on the post prior to this one who told me I was born to do the things I have been working on at work. You are awesome and I thank you so much for your encouragement!

July has Ended

"Do or do not, there is no try"- Yoda

Tomorrow starts a new month and this time I am not letting myself get off track. I'm going to take on a lot in August and I know that sounds like it isn't going to end well but I'm going to make it happen.  I think one of the reasons that my other challenges didn't go so well might be because i was bored with them. They were two more things i had to do EVERYDAY that required a lot of effort and my brain couldn't handle that. I am going to restart ab challenge and that is going to be my everyday thing. I also want to start having one day a week being dedicated to goals. I know that could be potentially obnoxious but we are going to add it. I also want to start cooking once a week so that I can work on the goals list! I definitely want to reincorporate the makeup days as well. Even though I didn't post pictures, I did do the make up days. The pictures thing requires time before work and that doesn't really work a lot of the time.  

 For the first two weeks of August though, the big challenges are going to be getting on my recommenders to send in their recommendation letters and finishing my applications to both of my schools. I have also decided to schedule a DMV visit for the 11th to hopefully pass my driving test which means that I need to start really focusing on getting everything together. I meant to do this earlier on in the summer but time got away from me and I brushed it under the table. I can't keep doing this. I haven't decided what I am going to do for the rest of August but I will cross that bridge when I come to it.