Change is Gonna Come

It is weird to think that the last time I did this, the 60th day of writing was March 1st. It is weird to think that there are still 306 days left of this year! This extra day in February is essential but I don't quite understand why everyone is so excited about it. I will admit to saying that I wanted to make the most out of the extra day we're given but then I missed a post and February as a month turned out to be mostly miserable. It over today. I don't have to live in February any more and that makes me happy. March is going to bring great things. Peter and I are going to pick an apartment, I am going to fix my job situation, I am going to get back into the swing of things with packing my lunch and cooking (already had a good example today!) and I am going to choose to me happy.

I am not going to feel tired and hopeless anymore. I am going to be my bright, bubbly, positive self again come hell or high water and March is where that changes.



Food: Today I made a recipe off of the back of my Campbell's brocolli an dcheese soup mix. you take grilled chicken, broccoli florets, one can of the soup, milk, cheese, with optional bread crumb coating and your pour all into one pie dish to make this beautiful creation. I also added some frozen mixed vegetables.

I also made broccoli cheese rice because it was in my pantry and I am addicted to carbs and starch.

Because I'm Happy

Day was a good day! I ended up not having to go to work, I was able to hang out with Peter and his parents, I did my case notes, and Catherine got her yoga certification and… 

SHE GOT ENGAGED!! 

She called and told me and I freaked out! I'm so happy for her and Alex, I can't contain myself! I wish them the best of happiness and all the love and I cannot wait to see what happens next in their adventure.

Congratulations guys!! 

My Songs Know What You Did In the Dark

And that was go to Fall Out Boy at Universal Studios and then giggle the rest

Of the night 

Holly Holy

Things that happened today:

1. Overslept and missed opportunity to go to the clinic and complete paper work

2. I finished building my wedding pavilion in the Sims

3. I made burgers for Peter and I

4. Watched "Here Comes the Boom"

We've Been Through Days Of Thunder

But today wasn't that bad. Session went well and I was impressed with my makeup abilities given very little time. I like my outfit, I didn't feel incredibly sad. Group went extremely well for the first time! I spent money on new makeup which I probably should not have done. I should have just been good. I need to go grocery shopping and sit down and make a budget... And do laundry... And go so many places. 

Bed.  

Lose Track of My Lifelines, Lose Track of Myself

This week has been a week of early wake up calls which results in not a ton of sleep for someone who has night classes. That being said, I could learn to appreciate that routine if I could figure out how to fall asleep earlier. Anyway, today's work day was very long (9am-6pm) and resulted in three hours of playing the Sims in order to decompress (I MADE A KILLER WEDDING PROPERTY I AM SO PROUD). 

I then got to talk with Peter, Kayla, and Harley who shared their support and checked on me. My co-workers Lindsey(I don't actually know how she spells it) and Lori also checked on me today just to make sure I was doing okay. The answer is I'm doing better with things/ at handling my life, but I'm not okay yet. Words cannot express what it means to me to have so many supportive humans. I am so incredibly grateful. 

It's a Beautiful Day

Today was not awful. I'm still tired but I wasn't as sad/angry/in pain as I have been. Today wasn't full of tears or guilt. I generally liked today. I am however, ready to fall over from exhaustion so that is all I have to say about today.

Scream, Till You Believe It

There are moments in everyone's life where they realize that something is not worth the effort the individual is putting in.  I had that moment today while sweeping after evaluating the last three days and the feelings of depression that the subject brings. I should feel safe, supported, and like I'm worth effort but instead I feel persecuted, useless, and worthless. I do not accept that! Not at all. That is not something I'm going to stand for. I don't want to let go of certain goals and I don't want to have to say goodbye to certain things but I also realize that I can't continue them. I have to either fix it, change it, or leave it (really all I want to do is cry about it but that just isn't the smart option). Looks like I've got work to do. 

Off on an Adventure

We went to Islands of Adventure and went on water rides because we're insane.

I'm Never Gonna Dance Again

Today was hard and everything hurts. Saw Deadpool. I just want to go to bed. 

I'm Finding My Way Back Home

I did not have to work today which was nice. After I called in and they told me that I could have the day off, I promptly fell asleep for four more hours. This wasn't exactly the best choice but I think sleeping while you're sick is important.

Once I woke up, I was going  to go work on my client files but working on the wiki spaces and looking at apartments took precedence. We were able to visit three complexes and then find soup at Panera. I have a spreadsheet of  21 apartments (some we have already visited and some we need to still visit) that all meet a certain criteria. That list started at 48 and it is dwindling down after every visit. Peter asked me today if I was getting discouraged and the answer is yes. I am having a ridiculously hard time staying motivated to find a place that is nice, isn't going to kill us, isn't out of our price range, and doesn't make me hate the drive to work even more than I already do.  /facepalm

I'm, Gonna Swing, From the Chandelier

Even though I physically felt better today, I generally did not feel good. I saw my clients and failed at conducting group but I wasn't quite back to normal. I'm not sure where to go with this feeling. I know I don't want to do anything other than watch TV but I have things I know I need to accomplish. I also do not want to go back to work. This is not good either.  I wish I could pinpoint where this unhappiness or uncheerfulness stems from. It is imperative that I get back to normal. 

The Gray Where We Live

Normally my title ends with "between wrong and right" because that is how Mr. Hunter Hayes wrote the song but that part doesn't make sense if I'm using the lyric to describe my sick day. I took off of work because I felt awful and my body as demanding rest. I went to the doctor (physican's assistant) and she told me to take Mucinex and Sudafed. She was right. I felt better after taking that and finding some Panera but I didn't feel great and that is where the gray comes in. 

I watched Divegent instead of working on treatment plans and played iPad games. I am now seeing double and my whole life lacks visual brightness as well physical brightness. Gray is a good descriptive word to describe how I feel and how my life has looked today. 

Now to survive practicum tomorrow, update my groups wiki at some point, and hope to not have to work on Friday. 

So This is Love

And Cinderella's birthday apparently (maybe?)! But the point of using those lyrics is because I have the best boyfriend ever. I'm sick and germy and just god awful looking and feeling and he sat there and found medicine to make me feel better. HE MADE A TREATMENT PLAN AND BROUGHT THE MEDICINE AND THE PLAN TO MY HOUSE BECAUSE HE LOVES ME. 

I appreciate being taken care of and it made me feel important. He's just wonderful and I don't tell him enough. 

There's Two Kinds of Prayers on Your Knees

And I used one today except I was just sitting in the car. Today was agitating. From the moment it started at 5:55 this morning it was just bad. My technology didn't work, I was late for work, I was coached at work (for something that three people then went and did exactly like I did it and it was okay), and then I was told that the counseling style I am comfortable with I need to stop doing. Today was agitating, infuriating, saddening, and painful. I did not like today. And now I get to go to bed. 

hmmm, Whatcha Say

It has been a pretty average day minus it being the real Valentine's Day. And the fact that I feel worse. I've been sick for like two weeks now and I'm just not sure what to do. Doctors are expensive!

Anyway, I should have gone to bed three hours ago seeing as tomorrow is the day from hel- I mean Monday. 5 AM. UGHHH. But, instead I played Sims (there is a really good quest right now guys) and made a spread sheet of apartments. We are going to pick from this list dangnabit. We have some exclusion criteria but in theory we would like a one bedroom apartment that allows pets, has a washer and dryer, and is in a neighborhood that isn't going to get us shot. So what do I do? I fall in love with a two bedroom house/apartment thing that is in an area known as Crime Hills. Go me guys, go me.


I'm just going to go cough myself to sleep now. Peace.

Wait. Forgot. Thanks again to my wonderful boyfriend who gave me such a nice early Valentine's Day night last night! It was so sweet and I loved it so much!

And I, Will Always Love You

Peter and I celebrated Valentine's Day early. This is the first Valentine's Day I have ever celebrate with a significant other so it was kind of a big deal. WE GOT TO GO TO CARRABBAS! He got me a a rose 🌹 and that made me happy ^_^ pictures to come.

Sometimes I Cannot Feel My Face

And sometimes I can because of nasal congestion and general nose pain. Aside from that, Peter and I had an entertaining date night. We looked at apartments, played video games (Inintroduced him to flappy bird), talked about some politics, and found food items (FREE CHIPOTLE!!) so that was nice. 

Now to pass out so that I can go to work and then be all pretty for early Valentine's Day activities.

Peace ya'll

It's My Life

And it's chaotic. Like this morning. When I scared myself awake because I didn't set an alarm because passed out. Where I discovered that my hot chocolate from last night spilled and I then spent the next hour and half covered in oxyclean. Only to spend another hour getting ready for practicum where everything was just out of sorts. And then group. 

Group went better than we expected. These kids will be difficult to reach for certain things but that will just mean more things to learn. Not to start planning for our next session. Or we could just sleep? 

I'm definitely ready for sleep. 

Well almost, I should take my killer eyeliner off and brush my teeth. Goodnight 

I Just Know It.

Waking up at five am is going to be the death of me I just know it. But I did it, again. Today I didn't do signage though. Instead I got to clean which was just absolutely wonderful *sigh*

Anyway, the day carried on and soon enough it was time to clock out. Peter and I decided to do some apartment hunting and we went and looked at three possible living spaces. Out of the three, only one was acceptable (AND it is the one I've been fawning over for the last month so props to me) which is nice I guess. I have a sticky note in progress of all the other places I am willing to look at and then I'll visit the website of each one to write more details and make a spread sheet. I SWEAR I am not a type A personality >.>

I finished the night with hot chocolate and donuts from Dunkin because I wanted them and I have no self control. Yum. Sleep.

You Ain't Nothing But a Hound Dog, Crying All the Time

I wasted my day today and I feel kind of bad about that. I promised my self yesterday that I as going to clean my car, clean my room, and do laundry all day today, I did one load of laundry and barely picked up one corner of my room. What did I do instead? I rediscovered my Sims that I haven't played in a month and looked at apartments. I have no idea why I couldn't find motivation to get me out of my bed and into gear for cleaning but it just didn't happen. Tomorrow is a long day but maybe I can squeeze in some organization time after supervision. I have to start making this a priority or it is going to bite me in the ass later on. But hoooowwwwwwwwwww. 

It's Electrifying

Today has been a long day especially since I did not nap. My supervision was canceled due to illness but I'll have it on Wednesday instead so it will be okay. Ilysa and I made a pretty stellar wellness worksheet for the kiddos in group on Thursday which is awesome. She typed it up and it is very nice. I really hope that the kids respond well to the idea of create a plan to help them better themselves and understanding balance. I already know I'm going to get attached to them rather quickly so it will be good for my development as a counselor to be able to learn not to be so invested in my child clients. 

It's the End of the World As We Know It

I missed yesterday! I literally came home from work and went to sleep and then I've been up since 530 this morning so I am just now finding time to post. It's funny because this is the month with the extra day and I totally messed it up. Dang it! 

Shut Up and Dance With Me

HE COVERED IT AGAIINNN!! I wish I could upload the video from the blogger app but it hates me. 

I stood in the rain for two and a half hours, battled some older ladies in a golf cart wheel chair thing, dealt with two girls who got angry at me in Spanish, and then found Danielle. Together we stood in the freezing cold rain for another hour and half and then Hunter came on and he was wonderful and it was so much fun and this is a really badly written sentence. I'm so tired.

I Will Survive

I know. I'm being dramatic. I am aware. BUT HUNTER HAYES IN LESS THAN 17 HOURSSSS

The conference today was grueling and cold. My cough hasn't gone away. Peter showed me Death Race which made me angry but it was generally entertaining. Senseless car murder just doesn't speak to me. 

Hey!! We Can Do It!

We started group today and we didn't die and we feel semi confident about how the next ten weeks are going to go!! YAYYYY!! Of course we refers to Ilysa and I and group means our group contact hours to pass practicum. My practicum sessions themselves were a little choppy but I think they went okay overall. Now I just have to make it through two days of conference and then HUNTER HHHAAAYYEEESSS AND DANIELLLEEEEE

I'm So Sick

Not really but this cough is going to drive me nuts for the rest of the weekend. 

I GOT TO SLEEP IN TODAY!! AND PETER TOOK ME TO OUTBACK FOR DATE NIGHT!! Now to go back to sleep because exhaustion. 

I Don't Want Good and I Don't Want Good Enough

Today has been another long day and I am so excited to go to bed in a few minutes. Any way, work was exciting but dragged on since I don't feel very well. I have another day of work tomorrow and then FOUR DAYS OF NO WORK AND HUNTER HAYES ON SATURDAY! 

Also! Looking for apartments is hard. Nothing seems to exist that has what we are looking for, is in an okay location, and isn't going to be far from everythiinnngggggg. 

I Feel Fiiinnneeee

Mondays are going to kill me. 5am wake up call to be at the store by 7 to do all these things. THEN I go to supervision for my clients then to class. I need to start packing a bigger lunch box.

I'm

So

Tired