Taking The Blame

I've always known that I was a procrastinator. Even from a young age I waited until the night before to do my book reports or find magazines around my house to cut out pictures from. I couldn't be bothered to do anything until it absolutely had to be done. Not because I didn't want to do it but because my motivation to do things was tied to the stress of only having a small amount of time to do things. 

If anyone tells me I'm not good at time management I tell the, they are wrong. I am good at time a management just maybe not the way anyone would think I should be. I find the things that have to be done because there is no time left to do them and do those first. That's the logical thing to me. I'm 10,000 percent sure that it isn't actually the logical thing to do but that's how my brain works. Doing things in advance doesn't make sense to me. A sense of urgency doesn't come with those plans to me. It has to be down to the wire for me to function apparently. I'm not necessarily okay with that but it is all I know how to do and I wouldn't even begin to know how to change it. That's me. This whole time I've been writing about how I want to change aspect X and Y. I didn't obviously. I don't think I can. Or maybe I just didn't try the right method. Either way, I blame myself for every single thing I didn't accomplish or every single thing I put off. I don't know anything different. 

I got to see Brandi today which was fun. She hitched a ride down from Tallahassee for Thanksgiving week and her chauffeur dropped her off at the mall my job is located in which meant that her and her family were able to stop by and say hi. That was about the only good thing that happened today. Everything else resulted in a mental breakdown for the last two hours which I had to be talked out of by Greg and Brandi. One day at a time from here on out I guess. And focusing on the little things.