July has Ended

"Do or do not, there is no try"- Yoda

Tomorrow starts a new month and this time I am not letting myself get off track. I'm going to take on a lot in August and I know that sounds like it isn't going to end well but I'm going to make it happen.  I think one of the reasons that my other challenges didn't go so well might be because i was bored with them. They were two more things i had to do EVERYDAY that required a lot of effort and my brain couldn't handle that. I am going to restart ab challenge and that is going to be my everyday thing. I also want to start having one day a week being dedicated to goals. I know that could be potentially obnoxious but we are going to add it. I also want to start cooking once a week so that I can work on the goals list! I definitely want to reincorporate the makeup days as well. Even though I didn't post pictures, I did do the make up days. The pictures thing requires time before work and that doesn't really work a lot of the time.  

 For the first two weeks of August though, the big challenges are going to be getting on my recommenders to send in their recommendation letters and finishing my applications to both of my schools. I have also decided to schedule a DMV visit for the 11th to hopefully pass my driving test which means that I need to start really focusing on getting everything together. I meant to do this earlier on in the summer but time got away from me and I brushed it under the table. I can't keep doing this. I haven't decided what I am going to do for the rest of August but I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

Tuesday on Wednesday

Suzy Tuesday on Wednesday isn't quite as fun as Suzy Tuesday on Tuesdays but it is pretty close! Catherine and I planned for today so that we could have more than three hours to hang out which would have been the case yesterday.  We started today's adventure with habachi and sushi from this interesting little place off Hillsborough. I've never quite experienced those flavors in steak habachi before but it wasn't bad.  Catherine got two rolls of sushi which was part of their lunch special. From what I can tell, they were good for the special price but they weren't worth a returning trip. Taco Son remains the winner for the "Places suggested to Catherine that are actually good"mars.

We concluded our food outing with cupcakes from Cupcake Cache and today's treats were chocolaty,  vanilla-y, marscopne-y, and  chai tea-y! Again, Catherine and I were definitely happy with our choices and can't to go back. I am personally excited to try Linus' Tempation which is this pumpkin cupcake thing that they could make for me if I called a day in advance but I would rather just find it on my own. I also want to try another one called Babar's Treat which consists of a peanut butter cookie and vanilla cake and something else and sugar and rainbows. 

After we indulged our cupcake fantasies, we continued to plan birthday trips/November explorations to  far of kingdoms and universes (of the Magic and Studios kind I should say). Things still aren't set in stone but we have some more time. 

'Twas Completed Today

You all remember that kite I was working on correct? Well, IT IS FINISHED!! It was for a contest at work and now it is completely finished and submitted. Our theme was essentially "Island of Misfits" or "Forgotten Favorites" because come on, (even though no one talks about them) who doesn't love Hercules, Tarzan, The Emperor's New Groove, Atlantis: The Lost Empire, and Lilo and Stitch? I know what you're thinking "Lilo and Stitch has merchandise and gets talked about all the time!" WRONG! Stitch has merchandise (like three things) but the rest of the characters from the movie are basically lost to the world. If I were to ask the majority of the people I know who David, Jumba, Pleakly, Mertle, and Nani were I probably would just get blank faces. It counts. 

Originally Treasure Planet was supposed to make an appearance but the Jim Hawkins piece was never given to me so I had to draw Pegasus in his place. Below there is a time line of photos to feast your eyes upon.

Stitch and Pegasus are not my best work but they were drawn 2 hours prior to submitting the kite so I had to cut some corners. Everything but the stickers (AND SO,E REALLY COOL LEAVES CONTRIBUTED BY KIM!!) was free handed by yours truly and to be honest, I'm surprised that everything came out so well. It isn't exactly how I envisioned it but I think it looks better this way. You could say all of its imperfections give it character. 

I haven't decided what my favorite part is. I LOVE so many things about what I was able to accomplish with my (compounded) 24 hours of kite making that I can't choose! I never possessed the artistic gene prior to college but I guess all of my paddle making brought it out!!

ALSO! TODAY MY NEPHEW TURNED 6 AND IT IS FREAKING ME OUT!

What'd You Say

I totally made the 28th's post a cop out post but I had a good reason. I had to come home and work on the kite and working on that means doing absolutely nothing else. I can't text/type/talk and color/sketch all at the same time so I wrote a space filler post. 

Now, its titled "What'd You Say" not because I have been saying "Wait, what" more than usual or because I haven't been listening. It's more of a title for me. July was supposed to be the start over month (again) and I was able to get almost half way through it and stay on track. Like most people know, I fell off track again. I told myself this wouldn't happen. I told my self I could do this. I said this time would be different.

I need to look back into to my goals so I can plan for August. I need to get back to the root of this blog and I know that I can. It is just going to take a bit of concentration and effort, probably about the same as I've out towards this kite (which will be finishe pd by the end of the day on Tuesday so PICTURES!!)

Sundays Aren't Bad

I used to hate Sunday because it meant that Monday was coming up and the weekend was over. Recently however, Sundays have been a godsend as they have been my reset day. I don't know why Monday's are so awful after a weekend but they aren't as bad after only one day off.

Today's Sunday adventure consisted of feeling not so good in the morning, coloring/ drawing on the kite, and then watching True Blood. Tonight's episode was kind of slow but I understand why. Major twist that we all should have seen coming to be honest with you but I'm hoping it results in a great final four episodes.

What Just Happened

I just worked a seven hour shift and I'm alive. Okay then

Thirteen Hours Asleep

After I finished drawing more of the Tarzan piece of the kite for work, I decided that Jane was pissing me off and I gave up for the night. My plan was to go upstairs and start researching for the Atlantis piece by watching the movie and looking at coloring pages. I got about an 1/8th of the way through the movie before I passed out.

Now, I can sleep like no one's business. It's a talent I assure you. My talent took me through four separate dreams in over thirteen hours of sleep. As 3 o' clock rolled around, I started getting ready for work and today I decided to be creative with my face and do a makeup day! Unfortunately, I did not photograph it. But I was was very happy with it and I'm counting it anyway! 

Work went pretty well minus the fact that five thousand people decided to rush the store before closing. They were all very nice guests and my adventure with all of them was very pleasant, just exhausting. Did I come home and sleep though? Nope. I came home and immediately sat down to finish Jane who, I must say, looks pretty good well. I will post pictures of the whole project when everything is finished. Tomorrow is going to be a busy drawing day during the early part of the day. I have to figure out exactly what my design for Atlantis is (I practiced a few things tonight and Princess Kida is much harder than I thought she would be), figure out how to fit it in the space I've given myself, and then draw it.

I Can Draw?

Even though I was able to get more done in the two hours I worked on the project yesterday, I am so ridiculously proud of how this guy turned out!

Today I had another early day at work but I made up for it with Chipotle and going to see an old co-worker down from where I work. Home time consisted of being very, very tired and having my head hurt because the soon to be 6 year old was really hyper. What did I do to solve this? I took a nap and then I started drawing. I don't think that I am a talented animator by any means but I am so darn proud of what I've been able to accomplish the last two days! My entire body hurts though which isn't as fun. 

Today's Actual Post

So for this lovely Wednesday, my day consisted of waking jump early and going to work, getting my favorite hash browns, playing the Sims, and working on th kit project for work. I am REALLY impressed with a few of my drawings for it. Another drawing, I covered in its entirety because it was awful. 

Tomorrow is another early day and I am not excited about it. I'm going to wear makeup tomorrow though... I think. 

So It's Tuesday

Not really. I didn't post on time and now, at 11 o'clock the next day, I'm going to write something that feels like a post. Three months ago I would have flipped out about missing a day and slacking on the blog as much as I have been. I *HAVE * to find more motivation to finish this year out. 

I was supposed to catch up on storyline challenge and pick a point to restart ab challenge from but I didn't. I did catch up on Teen Wolf because I was up at 8:15 in the morning and it was on the DVR. This season isn't as enthralling as the last seasons and I'm not sure where it is all leading to. 

Suzy Tuesday was tons of fun as usual! I was able to help Catherine get her allergy stuff and then I was able to experience the glorious-ness that is Taco Son (> Taco Bus) which is now my second favorite Mexican place ever. Then we went craft supply shopping, got ice cream, and then might have planned a vacation to Universal Studios... Maybe...

I really need to call Alexis back and open my savings account. And drive. 

Should've Posted Sooner

Actually, this should have probably have be yesterday's post but that is okay because I'm going to about it now. When I hit 200 days/posts I felt this sense of relief wash over me and I thought "only 165 left." I knew that this little experiment was going to be challenging from the start but lately this has felt like a chore. The challenges were helping this month but once I got off track, I had no motivation or desire to post. On one hand, I will be relieved when I don't *have* to post. On the other, I *want* to want to post. When I started this, I wondered if I would continue writing after my year was up. Do I just close the book I've written or do I write a sequel? Would I even have time if I get in to graduate school?  

I want this feeling of not wanting to do this anymore to go away. I'm going to start finding things now for the next months. I might even start scheduling what I'm going to write about. Ijngjdoolksnmdllkvj

So SO behind

I am a bad blogger. Ever since I fell of the wagon of ab challenge last Monday I have just been so wishy washy about posting! Catherine posted today about it being Sunday and how much fun she's looking forward to having this upcoming week. she also posted about how excite she is about it being summer which I am as well don't get me wrong. My summer has been pretty empty though minus the interactions I've had with her, Amanda, Alexis, and Kayla. I'm definitely starting to feel like I need new/more people but I don't know where to acquire them. This is also one of my biggest fears going into grad school: that I won't make friends with new people.

Today consisted of sleeping until nearly 3pm and then lounging about watching movies until 8pm. And then True Blood which had so many squeal moments!! 

I will be catching up with my challenges (for real this time) on Tuesday before seeing Catherine. 

Peanut Butter Cupcakes

I will figure out the post late. Esewtnially I slept in, went to work, went to Amanda's Mom's birthday party, got the desserts pictures, went to IHOP. Yep.

My Fortune's Told

This was in my fortune cookie today and I felt like it should be shared with the world. I really do believe in the idea that you have to do what you love. I love so many things be it music, make up, or writing and beyond but, even though I don't have much experience, I think my passion is going to lie in therapy. I want to help people work out their problems. I want to be part of the process of self-realization and self-acceptance. I want to able to walk someone through one of the hardest parts of your life and see them come out stronger and more capable than they were before. I cannot wait to start that roller coaster of a career.

Storyline challenge: talk about your day

This is actually a funny thing to be included for me because I do this everyday. Today was actually my day off and it would have been a good day to restart ab challenge but I didn't because I make bad life choices. Instead, I helped my sister out and then took a nap. Then I helped my sister out some ore. We were supposed to go do other things but she ended up leaving the kids with me. I could have gone to see Alexis today but I wasn't sure when I was going to be done with all of my errands and my phone didn't show me her phone calls until hours later. My eldest nephew really got on my brew today and I feel like that is probably related to being home for so long. Permanent kids are definitely not my forte. 

Cupcakes and Memories

I MISSED CATHERINE SO MUCH AND I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HER AGAIN SOON <3 <3

As you can probably guess, I was able to see Catherine today and we had fun adventures! First we went to get cupcakes at this quaint little cupcake shop called "Cupcake Cache" which is located next to Busch Gardens. This place is phenomenal. It's family owned but they have 63 different cupcake flavors and so far, Catherine and I haven't found one we don't like. I was able to get my peanut butter fix taken car of and I ordered the peanut butter cup cupcake which was a chocolate cake filled with peanut butter mousse and hazelnut filling, topped with peanut but buttercream, and garnished with a peanut butter cup. SO GOOOOODDDDD!!! Catherine tried the orange blossom (I think that is what it was called) which was an orange cake, with orange filling, orange icing, and topped with an chewy orange candy slice! She was very pleased with her purchase so I am sure we will be visiting the little  shop again! We also picked up real food from Jason's Deli before heading to Catherine's house and eating said lunch and cupcakes. The next three hours was spent catching up, drawing Disney scenes, and playing Mario Word!

The Storyline challenge for today is to reflect on a picture. 

The picture I decided to reflect on is not a picture of me but of my mother and my sister's father. From what I am told, this was taken before my mother's 20th birthday which makes her younger in this picture than I am now. I posted this once before on Facebook and captioned it that we were twins. Eerily enough, we are. My chin and cheeks are little fuller and my nose has a tiny bit more definition towards the tip but other than that, we look identical in the face. I was never told that I looked like my mother when I was growing up. My sister, yes but not my mom. It is so weird for me to look at this picture because all I see is myself and that (in some backwards way) reminds me that she is always with me. 

Like A Bombshell

I don't always wake up in the morning and feel fabulous, but when I do I cherish that feeling because it doesn't happen all the time.

I wasn't able to get a picture of today's work makeup but after waking up feeling pretty awesome and then doing really awesome things to my face I felt like a bombshell. I wanted to good a photo shoot for a magazine I had so much confidence in my appearance at that moment in time. Now, I have no idea if  it all stayed that any though out the course of the day but that is not the point :)

I get to see Catherine tomorrow and I am just so beside myself with excitement! I have no idea what we are going to do but I am sure it will be fantastic!

Storyline challenge: I am supposed to include the lyrics to my favorite song to complete today's challenge but I'm not even sure what my favorite song is so I'll be cheeky and use to lyrics to ONE OF my favorite songs!

Bombshell Blonde-  Owl City 

That blonde, she's a bomb, she's an atom bomb.

Rigged up, and ready to drop!

Bad news, I'm a fuse, and I've met my match.

So stand back, it's about to go off!

That vixen, she's a master of disguise!

I see danger, when I look in her eyes.

She's so foxy, she could lead to my demise.

So I'm running, 'cause I've run out of time.

She’s a bombshell blonde, wired up to detonate!

I’m James Bond, live to die another day!

Bombshell blonde, high explosive dynamite!

She’s all I want so I, I’m on a mission tonight!

(I, I'm on a mission tonight!)

Her love is a drug laced with ecstasy,

And her charm is spiked with a spell.

A hot mess in a dress gets the best of me.

She's ice cold, but she's making me melt!

That vixen, she's a master of disguise!

I see danger, when I look in her eyes.

She's so foxy, she could lead to my demise.

So I'm running, 'cause I've run out of time.

She’s a bombshell blonde, wired up to detonate!

I’m James Bond, live to die another day!

Bombshell blonde, high explosive dynamite!

She’s all I want so I, I’m on a mission tonight!

That vixen, she's a master of disguise!

I see danger, when I look in her eyes.

She's so foxy, she could lead to my demise.

So I'm running, 'cause I've run out of time.

She’s a bombshell blonde, wired up to detonate!

I’m James Bond, live to die another day!

Bombshell blonde, high explosive dynamite!

She’s all I want so I, I’m on a mission tonight!

That vixen, she's a master of disguise!

I see danger, when I look in her eyes.

She's so foxy, she could lead to my demise.

So I'm running, 'cause I've run out of time.

She’s a bombshell blonde, wired up to detonate!

I’m James Bond, live to die another day!

Bombshell blonde, high explosive dynamite!

She’s all I want so I, I’m on a mission tonight!

I, I'm on a mission tonight!

I, I'm on a mission tonight!

(I, I'm on a mission tonight!)

I, I'm on a mission tonight!

(I, I'm on a mission tonight!)

I, I'm on a mission tonight!

(I, I'm on a mission tonight!)

I, I'm on a mission tonight!

Did Some Things

Soooooooo I may have given my self two rest days. And I may have cheated on today's ab challenge by doing all of my sit ups in my bed.  60 sit ups after two rest days is really difficult on a yoga mat. Essentially what is going to happen now is that I will skip  next scheduled rest day and then I will be back on track. I walked my dog today though!!

In other news, today was going to be a make up day and in a sense it was. I just didn't do an out of the box look. Instead, today I will talk about the Katy Perry Covergirl collection I picked up last week. (Not my picture below p, I didn't want to get up and take one but the colors are right. I did NOT buy nail polish though)

 I really like the concealer, it covers my under eye darkness really well. As far as the foundation color goes, I ended up having to go get 110  because 105, which is the collections lightest color (normally what I am) was TOO light. That never happens. What happens a lot though is having to go down a color because the shade is too dark which is the problem with 110. I was so excited for this collection because its oil free and protects against unwanted shine so my heart broke when I realized 110 was too dark. However, being the resourceful human that I am and seeing as I can't return my open/used foundation I decided to layer them so that 105 goes on first and then 110. This brings the contrast down enough for me to be able to wear the foundation and I'm happy with it! It definitely stays on and the shine  is very minimal so points for that. I still haven't figured out how to use the powder which is mostly due to not knowing what to do with powder foundation to begin with. 

Storyline challenge for today consists of writing "what LOVE means to [me]." Now, I'm not exactly sure if they mean L.O.V.E. or if they are talking about expressing what I think being in love is like. So I'll do both. 

Listen

Observe

Validate

Emote

That acronym comes from being a psychology major and taking in to account how couples/families should work through conflict and talk to each other in order to be considered "functional." I'm not sure that is even an original acronym but I think its clever. If you're with someone you should be willing to listen to their issues/stories/feelings/whatever and observe their actions/body language/choices/whatever without judging them. Take what is happening at face value. Validate their issues/choices etc. as having meaning or being of importance to them and then emote or express your feelings about the situation. L.O.V.E. somebody. 

If we're talking about being in love or loving somebody there's really not much I can say. I know Af,ill love first hand and I know being in puppy love. I can't honestly say that I've been in love. I thought I was at one point but I can't agree with that statement now. I hope that love is a whirlwind experience that brings you and your partner closer together; that it means you can depend on one another and that you have trust, communication, acceptance, and passion between you. 

Thats the best I got. 

So Much Excitement

For a Monday at least. I don't usually have Monday's off, normally its Tuesdays and I spend them with Catherine. Well, tomorrow I have to work so I originally planned to have Suzy Monday with Catherine. Kayla then informed me that she was coming to town so I planned on splitting the day between them. Unfortunately, due to plumbers showing up at my house, those plans changed. I was able to see Kayla today (so good to see her beautiful face and get to go on fun adventures with her) but Catherine and I's scheduled time was overwritten :(

NEVER FEAR!! Thursday will see the two of us reunited and next Tuesday we shall return to our regularly scheduled programming!

I was able to pick up some make-up tools today which is also exciting and I was able to catch up on Girl Meets World. OH!! And Hunter Hayes is back in the studio and we have a new video coming out next week!!!

The Storyline challenge for today is to talk about a life changing moment.  The first one that comes to mind is walking my horse out of the pasture, losing my footing and finding myself under him as he is also losing his footing. The saying about seeing your life flash before your eyes is somewhat true. You don't see your life like a movie or anything but you do see how quickly everything can be taken away. Or at least I did. Anyway, Casper did his best not to crush me. He knew I was there and he was legitimately worried about me. He was my best friend. Someone grabbed me obviously and then we pulled him to safety as well. I don't how long I hugged him for but it felt like hours. After everything was all said and done, I stopped looking at my ability to ride horses as a right and began looking at it like the privilege that it was.

1996 Eric Northman

True Blood is breaking my soul into tiny, little pieces. 1996 Eric Northman (above) doesn't make it better.

Anyway, work was fun. I realized that I have gone down a pant size while I was at work as my work pants kept falling down and they weren't doing that prior to ab challenge. Speaking of ab challenge, today was a rest day and I am so grateful for that. I didn't doing anything today but I need the break.

Storyline challenge: three lessons I've learned

The first lesson I've learned is that everyone is stronger than they think they are. It is a matter of empowering yourself to be stong that allows you to feel that way. The Storyline challenge has taught me (so far) that I am capable of telling my stories. Since the beginning of this blog, the biggest thing that stands out is that I have learned that not every choice is going to be one that you are absolutely, 10000 % okay with. And that is okay. We are allowed to make mistakes. 

Our Blanket Fort

"Inside every adult is a child who never grew up"

On Friday night I promised my nephew that I would build him a real fort after I saw that he had tried to make one out of pillows and stuffed animals. And what Aunt Kate says, Aunt Kate does!!

Back in the day, my friends and I would make blanket forts ALL THE TIME! I'm a master blanket fort builder if I do say so myself but I hadn't made one in like 7 years prior to today. I've still got the power though and he's completely obsessed with it! We eventually turned it into our spy/super hero head quarters and proceeded to battle invisible foes for three hours. This is also something I haven't done in about 7 years. I had wind and lightning powers as well as some MMA fighting skills while he was the leader of our super troupe and possessed this nifty little Marvel light up watch that he believed granted him any power he wanted.

Eventually our super hero selves were out of villains to fight and we had to go eat dinner. Afterwards, I did today's ab challenge and it was not fun. 55 sit ups is way more of a problem than I expected it to be and it is because I have been doing them wrong my entire life. The 65 crunches for today weren't too bad and nether was the plank. Leg lifts are the source of all evil. 

Storyline challenge "If I could change the world..."

I would change it so that no child is ever without a family or a home. 

I Have Discovered

That if I'm tired, I won't take the time to actually blog. I will write a cop-out post and do the real post the next day. I don't want to be like that but these challenges are ridiculously exhausting. 

Work started fairly early so I had to be up earlier than normal for the third day in a row. It was a short shift but being awake that early is what killed me. Ab challenge has started to get REALLY challenging and I am not sure if I should be extending my days so that I have longer to build up the stamina or not. 

The Storyline Challenge for today is to share your ten favorite quotes. This is actually a little difficult because I have to many that I like to keep in mind but I'll try it. 

1. Positive outcomes only. 

2. Everything that is or was began with a dream.

3. You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it

4. When the answers that you know just prove you wrong, you gotta have a little faith to fall back on

5. Let your heart guide you.

6. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift and that is why it is called the present

7. "Watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you, because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in the magic will never find it!" 

8.Think. Believe, Dream, and Dare

9. Sometimes the best thing that you can do is not think. Not Wonder. Not imagine. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best. 

20.Succes is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts. 

What Are Boundaries?

On a happier note, today consisted of lots of nephew time and new makeup which I will probably post about in depth within the next few days. I was able to snag the face products from the Katy Perry Covergirl Instaglam/ Ready Set Gorgeous collection which is supposed to be pretty neat. I'm really excited to try it!

Ab challenge is going to happen in a little bit and I'm hoping it goes okay.  I did exercise yesterday so I don't think my body is out of the routine but we shall see. Storyline line challenge for today is about boundaries/guardrails. I'm not actually sure I possess these to be honest with you. I don't really have personal boundaries until it comes to my nephew and crawling on me. There's nothing I won't talk about if I'm asked about it and I try to experience everything at least once. I guess my main boundary (if you even consider it one) is that I don't like to break social rules in front of people. I also don't like to break the law which I have been taunted for but that doesn't really bother me. Good choices get you good things, bad choices get you bad things. 

To Adventure Island

... And Back Again, A Hobbit's tale by Bilbo Baggins.

Obviously not but this post has to wait until tomorrow because home girl is exhausted and this post is a doozy.

Updated 7/10

I haven't been to Adventure Island in about a year and when I went last it was for a five year old's birthday. I had no one to really do anything with and I didn't want to do a lot on my own so I only did like four things. This visit to the water park was way more productive! Alexis and I got there around 1:45 because I had to work 6am-12 and then we had to go buy sunscreen. When we got there, all of the slides unfortunately had to close because there was lightning in the area. Eventually all of the rides were shut down and it remained that way for about an hour. In that hour, pretty much half of the people at the park left which worked in our favor because lo and behold, everything reopened. 

In the 4 hours we had left at the park we were able to ride all of the tubing rides and do three of the slides. I also walked up enough sets of stairs to make up for the fact that it was an ab challenge rest day. That's pretty productive in my opinion! It was Alexis' first visit but she had tons of fun! Can't wait to go back!

Now, on to the reason I call this post a doozy. 

The Storyline challenge for today is to write about something you've over come. My initial reaction to that is: "Where do I start?" I think that's a fair question to be honest. Do I talk more my childhood in relation to growing up with a single mother, on welfare, who was a hoarder and who was ridiculously manipulative? Do I talk about the crackd dealers who lived down the block in the projects? Do I talk about being the first one in my family to graduate with a highschool diploma or to go to college? About being an orphan?

And then I came to realization that I haven't *really* told the story as to how I became an orphan which is honestly the biggest thing I've overcome.  If you've made it this far and you want to continue, you rock. 

On with the story:

I was 8 years old when my mother first started to show signs of being sick. I can't remember what exactly her symptoms were but I remember many doctor visits, hospital visits, CAT scans, MRI's, tests, second opinions. I went to each one, there was no where else to go. First they said it was MS. Then they said it was dementia. No 50 year old thinks dementia is the cause of their problems. An 8 year old barely knows what that is. But, when you give it the name Alzheimer's then it starts to click a little more. The doctors explained that the form of dementia my mother had was really rare and that it had been seen in people as young as 38. And this form of dementia was not a pretty one. 

Essentially, what was going to happen was plaque was going to start forming over sections of her brain for things like language, motor skills, memory, and eventually involuntary functions liks breathing and digestion. She was going to go backwards from the 50 year old that she was to behaving like an infant. And she did, for the next eight years. I help her take care of herself until I was 10. This meant that I helped her remember to do things like take her medicine and what ever else I could do.  I don't know what all she did while I was at school everyday, but I do remember her being late (really late) to pick me up quite a bit. 

Her sisters (she had four at the time) tried to help but from I knew about them (from my mother) they didn't actually want to. I later learned that my mother was a difficult person to help and that eventually you just had to stop trying. We eventually ended up in government housing and my mother was slowly losing her ability to speak which is where I picked up my stutter from. 

This is where my sister comes in. She had moved to a different state about two years before my mother got sick. And from what I know of the situation, she hadn't really been aware of how bad things had gotten. When she found out exactly what was going on she packed up her life, said "I have to go, my baby sister needs me and I have no idea if we'll see each other again" to the man who is now her husband, and moved back here. That's when the dynamic changed a little. I went from having to be a parent to not having to be a parent and having someone else taking care of us. At first it was just trying to help with a better quality of life but then my mother forgot how to drive.

 We moved in with my sister when I was in 7th grade and when she relocated my mom, my mom got worse which we were warned could happen. Things started to happen quicker after that. She started to lose her ability to make meals for herself, bathe herself, and her speech changed even more, At this point, she was trapped in her mind and that is really frustrating. So she would scream and cry, for hours. And then, right before my sister got married, she forgot how to use the bathroom on her own.

Quicker and quicker she got more and more child like. Think The Curious Case of Benjamin Button but without the physical regression in age. I remember being 14 years old and dancing with her in her little house behind the main house and asking her if she remembered who I was. She didn't answer me, she just smiled and kept bopping about. So I asked her if she knew my name. All she did was dance.

She had to be moved into a home soon after. i only went to cisit her once, i couldn't stand iseeing her there. She died on November 30th, 2008. I had been 16 years old for 28 days. 

I left out a ton of details but the take away for that is, I lost both of my parents. Yes, I had my sister but she wasn't my mother. Technically speaking, I should have been a ward of the state and then put in a kin home which would have been my sister's but I fell through the cracks. This ended up working to my advantage when it came to college but that doesn't make up for the fact that I only got 8 real years with my mother. That she wasn't there for my high school or college graduation and she won't be there for any of the other milestones I've yet to come across. But, I don't think I would have been as strong of an individual as I am if I hadn't gone through that. I wouldn't be so eager to help others and I wouldn't be so protective of people. 

"Sure Fire Winners"

Today was my day off and unfortunately I was not able to spend it with Catherine. She told me that she was feeling icky so I didn't plan on going anywhere today and by the time I had received her text message inviting me to go do errands with her even though she felt icky I was an hour late due to over sleeping. We will have to find time later this week or next week!

Anyway, other than sleeping, today consisted of small children, ab challenge, and watching Back to the Future. The leg lift section of ab challenge is the newest part of the challenge that is challenging. The crunches haven't started to be a problem but their cousin sit ups has started to misbehave a little. Planking has actually gotten easier. 

As far as Stroyline challenge goes, today's topic is pick a random song. This is really hard. I have like 3000 songs on my iPod to choice from. Ugh. 

I'm going to go with "Sure Fire Winners" by Adam Lambert off of his first album For Your Entertainment. It was one of my favorites when I first bought the album and it's just full of sass. Another really good song (off that album) that will make you feel super empowered is "Strut."

My Best Friend(s)

**It's a long post but if you actually read it you'll learn something? maybe? have fun**

Other than work and the my dramatic guilty pleasure of "Teen Wolf," I would have literally nothing to post about if I wasn't doing these challenges. Ab challenge from yesterday was difficult. That rest day threw me for a loop in the plank and in the sit up department. I am hoping that today's goes a little smoother.

The Storyline challenge for today is to write about my best friend. What if I don't have one?






Obviously I have friends. Who else is going to read the ridiculousness that is this blog (self-deprecating sense of humor friends will laugh at this) but what if I don't have a "best friend?"

You know how people say they have their best friends and then they have their BEST friend? Well, I've never quite understood that. If a person is more/less than your best friend, label them as such. Best friend makes people feel like they are the best i.e. there is no one better than them so technically speaking you can't have more than one with the label best friends. Best of friends maybe. I like to think of your best friend as the first person you, without a doubt/second thought/ moment of hesitation, make your maid of honor/best man and/or the godmother or father to your child. That, in my opinion, is what your "best friend" should be. Up until a year and a half ago, I would have answered the question "Who is your best friend?" with "Amanda. Hands down Amanda," but things and people change. We're still friends but we're not quite where we used to be, at least not on my end. And that is both of our fault's as much as she would venomously disagree with me. I promised a post about her a while back so this one is the day I guess.

 Amanda and I were what best friends should be considered. We were sisters. There wasn't anyone else, FOR 16 YEARS, that could hold a candle to this girl on my friend scale. She was the most trusted, most fun, most EVERYTHING friend. We were Fred and George, Batman and Robin, CORY AND SHAWN, Mario and Luigi, Mary-Kate and Ashley! We were planning each others weddings and dreaming about college and our careers. We were the constant to each others' inconsistency. We were each others routine when our families didn't offer one. Then things went a little wonky. I'm not going to sit here and type out the whole story; it's four hours if I tell the last 6 years of  it out loud. I'm also not going to sit here and say " she did this and this and this and then I hated her and then this happened" because, even though for quite a long time I viewed it that way, that isn't what happened. I can tell you that some of our problems started with me being possessive. I hadn't quite figured out yet that she was above the level of your typical best friend and I heard her call someone else her best friend and that mildly freaked me out. So, I started acting really weird until I could resolve all of it myself. She contributed to our 'falling out' with her own issues that I am not at liberty to disclose because they are not my issues. My reactions to the consequences of her issues wasn't what it would be now and so it put us on edge. I did what I though would help and then things got really shakey. And then the real trouble started. Three years worth of people and passive aggressive-ness and websites and nonsense and lack of medication and more trying to help and bullshit and drama and moving out and not talking and more bullshit later things have changed. We're still Fred and George but its not like it was. I don't know if she can feel it but I can. We've been friends since kindergarten so I knew (even when I TYPED THE WORDS "I don't think we're friends anymore") that we could never not be friends. No matter how furious I was with her for (at the time) what I considered was throwing her life away I knew that I would get over it eventually. And I just knew that she had to as well. Will she end up being my maid of honor at the wedding that I will most likely never have? Probably. But if I'm being honest, I will probably choose her because I feel obligated because I've known her the longest and because I wanted it to be her for so many years. Will I be hers at the wedding she will also most likely never have? I have no idea. We're working on things. It's like fighting with a family member, unless you're a stubborn ass of a person you can't keep fighting with them forever. You love them too much. You've been through too much and you sure as hell can't imagine life without them.



Now that her story has been told, I do have to add that when you use the everyday version of "Best Friend" I have so many of them. Alexis, Brandi, Brett, Ilana, Luis, my amazing Big and Littles, the brightness of life that is Catherine, Greg, Kayla, and Brianna have all been called my best friend at some point or another and that is because they represent the best of my friends. I think the reason I have such a hard time with that label is because I'm a fan of loyalty and I feel like I'm cheating on every single one of them as a write the this post. I won't lie and say there isn't a hierarchy among those friends (which is really based of my weird loyalty to when I met these friends) but even with that being said, these people have changed me as a person. They have impacted the way I think, feel, and act. I adore each and everyone of them because they are my best friends and I couldn't have made it as far in this world as I have without their endless support and love. I trust and respect and love every single one of them and I can't imagine what it would be like to lose even a single one.

Even as I finish this massive wall of text that I have left for the poor readers, I still feel like there is more to say, like I haven't gotten my point across about the best friend thing but I am going to chalk that up to me not wanting to step on anyone's toes. If any of the people who are mentioned in this post read it and feel offended that it isn't solely about them then I guess they didn't know as well as I thought.