One Month Down

"I'm a survivor. I'm not going to give up." Survivor - Destiny's Child

It's been one month of posts, one month of goals, one month of progress and one month of holding myself accountable. I've cut out soda for 31 days, I've only missed 2 days of class and I've spent less money on food. Overall 2014 has been a fairly good year. 

Today's progress consisted of finishing assignments, paying my rent for the next four months and inviting 10 girls to be a part of my sorority. Today was also a little frustrating as I skipped my second class of the semester and I had to deal with the city bus system making me an hour late to something. However, the day wasn't as bad as it could have been. I could have not made it at all or I could have ended up being stuck somewhere I had never been before (this has happened... it isn't fun) or something equally as catastrophic. Things can always be worse. February however is not going to be one of those things. Like this last month, February is going to be full of good choices and progress towards goals. Merlin help me.

Well That's Different

Usually there is quote right here followed by a picture of some sort in order to get people's attention. Today didn't warrant that. Today was a little different. 

I went to my internship and worked on my assignment for the class by filming my placement site and interviewing the director of treatment for the kids. Afterwards I joined the kids in the cafeteria and started talking to a few of them about their day. A bunch of them have started to be able to recognize me and talk to me more openly which is great! I really like that a few of them are opening up and not being so quiet or abrasive. 

After lunch, I joined the middle schoolers for math and life skills where we spent 2 hours getting four 14 and 15 year old boys to do a project that consisted of learning how to budget and do percents. Two hours. It was really frustrating but fun none the less. Eventually I was able to help one of the students work on one of his sanction essays to hopefully change his case a little bit.

IN OTHER NEWS MY BIG CAME TO VISIT TODAY AND I'M SO HAPPY BECAUSE I LOVE HER AND SHE PERECT AND IM DONE 

In the Box

"Sometimes to get out of the box you have to get in the box." -Allisyn - Kim of Queens

We had a snow day (read: ice) which meant no class or work for me today. Instead I slept in and then  did GRE math prep for three hours. Afterwards, Brandi and I went and tried a new restaurant (it isn't better than Panera) followed by my roommate and I vegging out on the couch to "Kim of Queens."

This show is about a former pageant queen who takes girls in Georgia and turns them in to pageant girls through hard work, personality lessons,  glitter and practice. At first, I was a little afraid and worried to start watching the show. Four episodes later I was in love. Kim is all about "real talk" and tough love which I can appreciate. Her type of motivation is focused on building off of failures and by believing in yourself. Now who does that remind you of?

Go To Them

"You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes." ― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

Today I was evaluated by my site supervisor at my internship and I was able to work more hands on in the class room with the youths. I've been pretty standoffish with my interactions so far just because I've been trying to catch my bearings at my site and the kids can be kind of intimidating. This morning I decided to be more productive with the students. Instead of studying for the GRE or just waiting for the  teachers to need me in the classroom I just jumped in to the classroom and tried to help as many of the kids as possible.

All of the mentors met as a group and talked about goals for the semester. All of us are trying to achieve different things but will all be working together to achieve these goals. Personally I want to become as involved as possible in the treatment of these youths, motivate them to progress and be successful in their program, and I would really like to become heavily involved in four of the youths lives. 

SIDENOTE: IT MIGHT SNOW TOMORROW!!! And based on how cold and wet it was today, I can absolutely see it snowing tomorrow.

I Hate Mondays

Mondays will just never be easy. There's just too much to do. Most of my Mondays start the night before at 11pm when I pack my lunch for the day. Then I search my house for all of the stuff I need to complete my 16 hour day the next day. This usually consists of all of my texts books, my GRE prep book, my wallet, filling up my water bottle and then tracking down my keys. Once I finally finish that, I get to sleep (normally) until 8 am before I have to get up, get Rey, catch a bus to my 9 am class, sit through class then get to my job by 10, work until 3, insert various activities between 3 and 5, go to class from 515-630, have a snack, go to chapter until whenever it is that we end. Mondays. Last. Forever. 

Today was extra long due to having to wake up at 6:30am to get ready for the day so that I was read for rush at 7pm. And then rush. And then home. Mondays are hard.

You're Not Invisible

"You're not invisible. Hear me out. There's so much more to life than what you're feeling now. Some day you'll look back on all these days and all this pain is going to be invisible." Invisible- Hunter Hayes

Most people know I'm mildly (read beyond severely) obsessed with a mister Hunter Hayes pictured above. Last year as a birthday present to myself I spent an obscene amount of money to go to Savannah and meet this incredible person and sit in the second row and just be baffled by how amazing of a performer/HUMANBEING he is. And now, I have the chance to do it all over again. 

He released the song "Invisible" today at the GRAMMYS and while it was not his best performance ever, it was the most important. The song comes from a dark time in his and many of our lives: being bullied. I wasn't heavily bullied when I was younger but I had a few instances that made some days feel like the worst day ever. I've had other instances in my life that made me feel like nothing and this song speaks to those as well. The song is about empowerment and not letting what has happened to you keep you in that dark place. I'm instantly in love with it. http://youtu.be/ucA63CEuXpo

The song debuted today and so did the new tour which I will be participating in either May 30th or May 31st because that is when he will be Florida. Two hours from my house is better than six so I'm ridiculously excited to meet Hunter again and hear him sing "Invisible" in person. And "Wanted" and hopefully "Cry With You" and "Storm Warning" and all of his songs. Okay I'm done.

The Sweetest Thing

Wreck-It Ralph: You're a winner!

Vanellope von Schweetz: I'm a winner...

Wreck-It Ralph: And you're adorable!

Vanellope von Schweetz: I'm ADORABLE!

Wreck it Ralph - 2012

Considering tomorrow will consist of an intense GRE Prep session, gearing up for my final rush week, and a new Hunter Hayes single, I took today easy. I slept in (read until 1pm) and then went to the mall with my roommate in order to get my outfits for rush week to then come home and watch Paul Walker (RIP) and Vin Diesel destroy Rio in Fast Five. Basically I did nothing and in doing nothing I've worked up an appetite/desperate need for cupcakes. They are seriously all I've wanted since 2 o' clock this afternoon. It's ridiculous.  So after I'm finished with this post I will be venturing out to navigate the night bus system to get either ingredients to make cupcakes to buy pre made cupcakes. Cupcakes will be acquired some way or another.  While I'm at the store I may grab something to cook my chicken with for dinner. Baking cupcakes counts as learning how to cook right? 

College Country Concert

Yes I know this says Danielle Bradbury... It was all my phone would let me upload at the time

After a productive day going to class and promoting my sorority, I was surprised with Brad Paisley tickets!! AHHHHHH!!!!  Currently a group of sisters and I are waiting for him to go onstage while people dance in the aisles and do other fun things.  And while I blog. No excuses! I will not miss a day!

Occurrences like this one remind me how lucky I actually am. Especially when I don't feel all that lucky. I need to stop taking so many things for granted and I know that.  It's another thing to work on.

UPDATE:

Bad picture but TADA! BRAD PAISLEY 

Subject of Loss

When we think of those companions who traveled by our side down life's road, let us not say with sadness that they left us behind, but rather say with gentle gratitude that they once were with us.

Author Unknown

I've lost quite a few family members in my time here on Earth. My uncle, my aunt, my mother. All people I had to say goodbye to at one point or another. I've lost pets that felt like family and I've been separated from people that were practically family. Loss isn't selective. 

In 1988, 27 people lost their lives in the worst drinking and diving related accident to date. 24 of them were children under 15 who suffocated or who were burned due to the crash. We watched a documentary about this crash at my internship as part of the behavioral adjustment program in order to deter the kids from drinking and driving. Out of the 9 or so students who were there to view the film, 3 were awake and paying attention. Yet another example of loss but in this case a loss of an opportunity to learn something. 

Start All Over

Again I am not positive that the quote above actually belongs to whom it is credited. However, I actually named the blog post before I picked any quotes and this one was already saved to my iPad and it fit and boom. Kismet. 

Anyway, today I started over from yesterday's failure. I went to class, then to work, had a healthy lunch, had my foot evaluated, went to class, prepared for the GRE, and then made myself a steak dinner. Now my roommate did help me a little with the steak cooking process but I'm proud of my accomplishments. I was really productive today and it felt fantastic. I love feeling this way! I wish that I had this level of motivation much more often; I'd be proud of my self all the time if that was the case. 

Hopefully starting over on such a good foot means that I won't have another failure anytime soon. I don't like failing. I'd rather be proactive and feeling positive about my self and life :)

Missing a Day

I have no idea if C.S. Lewis actually said that or not but regardless I failed today. And that's not me being dramatic, it's true. I skipped my internship today because I was sick. I couldn't really breathe and my head was pounding so I slept in and took some medicine in hope to recharge for the rest of the week. 

Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment to for the final appraisal of my foot. Afterwards I hope to be able to get back to the gym or at least being more physically active. Today's failure is just one of many and I know that. I just hope that there are fewer and fewer of them as time goes on.

Chopping the Gators

"Sisters are real life super heroes"

http://eileenshige.deviantart.com/art/Tiny-Avengers-260583701

With rush coming up in my sorority, we decided to visit our beta chapter at our rival school. The trip was tons of fun and we got to learn a lot about our beta sisters and their rush process.

They will be coming to our rush week next week so we may or may not have to impress them. 

Needing to Prepare

I took a GRE diagnostics test today and it didn't go how I thought it would. I've always been so good at tests like this and I've never, repeat NEVER, had to actually prepare for one. Today made me rethink  that whole mindset. Today made me worry. It made me worry about how little time I have to prepare for the first time I take this test and about all of the things I *thought* I was good at. What if I've just been really lucky up till now? What if everything I've accomplished isn't a result of my hard work and determination but of pure happenstance? 

And then I took a break. I calmed down, watched some vine videos and realized how insane I sounded. No one is perfect at everything. No one is even good at everything. The GRE is something I am going to have to work at. I'm going to have to devote a lot more time and effort into preparing for this test than I have for anything up to this point in my educational career. I'm going to do this without worrying and fretting that it won't be enough or that I'm not doing the right type or amount of preparation. I have to believe in myself and my abilities. 

I can do this. 

Happy Working Song

"In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. Find the fun and SNAP the job's a game!" Mary  Poppins

I underestimated the difficulty level of making so many bows in one night. It just couldn't be done without help. My friend Brandi dropped by today and we crafted for four hours to finish all of the bows. Four hours. Eighty something bows. My shoulders and hands haven't hurt this bad since I decided to take twin littles and make all of their presents in two days. 

Having Brandi here made the project much more entertaining and the workload was a lot smaller rather than having one person making so many bows. She also volunteered to help me clean my kitchen which is why she is an angel. She shouldn't have needed to help clean my kitchen but let's just say it looks as though there are only two people who were going to clean it anyways.  Yea. That could be a bad assumption. Who knows but its just the feeling I get. Anyway, we cleaned the kitchen after we got back form the grocery store and then we crafted bows and jammed out bad (read really awesome ) 90's music. I think that was a pretty great way to spend my Saturday if I do say so myself.

Blogs and Bows

"Wish it. Dream it. Do it."-No author provided

I did not good things today. I missed class, ate pizza, and generally wasn't very positive. However, I made up for this by completing my tasks as an officer in my sorority (I tabled and worked on our blog newsletter) and now I am making bows for my other sisters.

I made bows the other day for one of our posters and I just had the urge to go buy more ribbon and make more of those. And buy Disney's Tangled but that's another story. I've wanted to craft things for a while but 'm not very good at crafting things that aren't paddles. Bows I'm fairly good and and I'm excited to make my own. I buy bows like no one' business. I have soooo mmmaaannnnyyyyy its ridiculous but it can't hurt anyone so I refuse to stop. I'm hoping I can come up with some interesting and fun designs and pairing out of the ribbons I have. I went I a little crazy with supplies... especially because I have glittery puffy paint to put on them as well. 

Work Real Hard

"The ONLY way to get what you want in this world is through hard work!"- Tiana- Princess and the Frog- 2009

Clearly I couldn't decide on quotes or pictures today *however* I did decide to try cooking real food today! It is one of my goals to learn how to cook. I understand how to make things via instructions on the back of boxes and I REALLY like how I make corn casserole (its really fattening and has a ton of carbs and butter and cheese and its delicious let me tell you) but I want to be able to make something from memory or scratch without following the back of my mac and cheese box. Today I took a first step and baked some chicken. It's a small effort and not really that hard but I'm the kind of cook who decided she would rather figure out how to make bean burritos than fajitas. How long cooking can take drives me insane. I don't want to wait two hours for my old to be done. I barely want to wait fifteen minutes! And that is why actually taking the hour and ten minutes to prep and cook my chicken is a big deal to me. 

I have an interesting relationship with being patient. It would be better for my physical and mental health if I could be patient all the time but when it comes to food my patience flies out the window. Gone. It tells me "what you actually want to wait? Uh uh, no, not happening. Goodbye girl, you're on your own." This will be something to work on. The only way I am going to get better at cooking and gain a knack for it is by working at it. Hard. So I would like to add the challenge of trying three new recipes a month to my ever growing list of activities and things to accomplish. I believe in me. Blue skies and sunshine! 

That was literally my face when I finished my chicken. I officially understand Tiana's pride in this picture.

Not An Excuse

"I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date! No time to say hello, goodbye! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!" White Rabbit -Alice in Wonderland -1951

So this post was almost late but not because I didn't want to post but because I had something much more important to do. Surprising I know. 

Being late on this would drive me insane if it ever actually did happen so I need to be more cautious. I made a promise to myself that I would post and I refuse not to be accountable for my actions! 

I'm a pretty last minute person but I've been wanting to change that. That's partially why I started this. I want to hold myself more accountable for things. I want to want not to be late. I don't like procrastinating. It's stressful and is taxing on my schedule.  This is something else that must be worked on! No more lateness!

To the stars

"Fill the darkest night with a brillant light cause its time for you to shine brighter than a shooting star so shine no matter where you are tonight" Shooting Star - Owl City

Today was my first official day at my practicum placement and I didn't really do anything. I observed a lot of troubled kids try to play their authorities and throw fits and make outrageous claims. I helped one student work on his math assignment and I was allowed to sit in on one of the group therapy sessions but that quickly turned into lots of gossip and talking amongst the adults in the room. Overall I am not sure how I feel about my placement and I can only hope I am able to make more of a difference in the future. 

In other news, I have some updates on how my goals are going! If you're like me (AND Tony Stark) and can't remember what you had for breakfast this morning (he had gluten free waffles... I think I had a banana and some oatmeal) then you probably don't remember what my goals were. You probably might not even remember what your goals are. This is why it is a marvelous thing that someone created language and the written word, just so that I could copy my goals and write updates below them. 

1. Stop drinking soda.

    I haven't had any soda in 15 days. This is progress and its getting easier and easier!

2. Visit with the nutritionist on campus to start eating better.

    I haven't made it to the nutrionist but I have started to make smarter decisions about what I've been eating. I have also been paying more attention to my caloric intake and I have been trying to make it more proportionate to the needed amount for my size and activity level. 

3. Make time to go to the gym, I want to feel better about my self. 

    I still can't be too active because of my foot but I did try to take steps towards being more active and I have an appointment to hopefully start physcial therapy soon!

4. Put effort into my appearance 3/4 days out of the week.

    This one I have been a little lackadaisical about. I really like sleep. A lot. Forcing myself to get up at 745 just to put effort into my hair or makeup is really difficult and I have no motivation to do it most days. Now that my internship has started I am hoping that this behavior will change. 

5.USE MY PLANNER AND REVISIT MY TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS

    I haven't exactly found my planner but I have been putting dates and reminders in my phone like a crazy person and I have been reading my textbooks and doing school work in a timely fashion. So far. 

6. Stay positive.

    I've succeeded in this minus a few particular instances where something a person has said or done has upset me. I haven't been mopey or too down so I feel like I am keeping up with this goal very wel!

7. Take the GRE.

    I officially have a GRE study group twice a week and I am deciding on a date for the test in the next couple of weeks.

8. Drink more water.

    All I've had for the past 15 days is mostly water with some apple juice occasionally.

9. Make straight A's my final semester.

    It is impossible to comment on this goal at this juncture.

10. Be happy with myself and the choices I make

    Lets just say I haven't disliked very many of my choices lately.

11.Look into internships.

    Haven't started.

12.Learn how to cook.

     Does packing my lunch count?

13.Work on my relationships.

     I've been pretty lax with this one too. It just isn't a very big priority right now so I haven't gotten around to it.

14. Make better choices with my finances.

     I've only gone out to eat four times since being home! I also managed to only spend 80 dollars on textbooks and supplies for school. 

Tearing Us Apart

"Our differences are what make us unique"

I overheard something today that saddened me a bit. I overheard a conversation between a few people basically trying to punish someone for something he or she could not control. It is not the person being punished's fault he or she is a bit different. It is not his or her fault that he or she has a mental disability. It isn't his or her fault that he or she physically cannot do something the same way another person would.

So why aren't these people doing the punishing realizing that? It isn't his or her fault. Would you expect to be punished for something when you literally cannot control your behavior? Is that fair? Is that something that would be considered social appropriate? Because I don't think that it is. I don't think that it's fair to judge a person based on differences they cannot control. Mental disability, race, sexual orientation all of it. If there is something that is beyond a person's conscious control what gives ANYONE the right to assume the role of God or karma over that person's life? Nothing. 

If you can't handle differences then I implore you to try to learn what makes the differences apparent. I beg you to understand differences at their roots and try to at least respect that someone else is different from you, that there is no way of changing that and that there is nothing wrong with this. It shouldn't be this hard. 

***I don't actually know the person I overheard the people talking about. I overheard enough of the story though to know that this person is mentally disabled which is why it made an impact in my life. 

Past Present Future

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift and that is why it is called the present"- Unsure 

My present consisted of going to the mall and finding hidden treasures that I had forgotten I owned. And then I proceeded to laugh hysterically at the Golden Globes. Pretty solid way to spend a Sunday in my opinion and being able to spend my Sunday this way is a privilege. A privilege that I guarantee not many people think about. Being able to go to college and procrastinate and even have a social life while there are people out there who are not able to feed or house themselves let alone put someone through college or have the ability to procrastinate on something because if they do they might not make it to their shelter on time. Days like today make me think about how many people I know, including myself, who fail to think about those who are less privileged on a daily basis and what we can do about it. Our expectations about what 'today' will bring us could be the catalyst that results in somene else's worst nightmare. Our gift could be taking away someone else's privilege and I feel like not that many of us take that into consideration on a daily basis.  Maybe I am just too much of a believer in Karma or maybe I just worry too much but I think that we all need to be aware of the possible negative consequences the gifts of today might bring. We need to humble ourselves and pay gifts forward. Make tomorrow's mystery a gift for someone else. 

Confidence is Key

"I am a princess. I am brave sometimes, I am scared sometime. Sometimes I am brave even when I’m scared. I believe in loyalty and trust. I believe loyalty is built on trust. I try to be kind. I try to be generous. I am kind even when others are not so generous. I am a princess. I think standing up for myself is important. I think standing up for others is more important but standing with others is most important. I am a princess. I believe compassion makes me strong. I believe kindness is power. And family is the tightest bond of all. I have heard I am beautiful. I know I am strong. “I promise and when I promise something, I never ever break that promise.” I am a princess, long may I reign." I am a Princess- Disney Commercial

After multiple tests to my patience (between last night and today) and a few other, less significant frustrations today, I won a contest for a free princess bow from a shoppe (Taylor'sThingamabobs) on Etsy. I follow Taylor on twitter and I won't lie, sometimes she drives me insane without flat out full of her self she can be however, the girl practically lives by the quote "I am a princess. Long may I reign" from the commercial script posted above. I commend her for that. 

It takes a strong and confident individual to not let themselves be effected by name calling and negativity. She's received a ton of it for reasons I understand and reasons I don't. But she doesn't let it get to her as much as it would most people. As much as it would bother me. I like to think and act as though I'm a pretty tough individual. For the most part I am. Constant negativity and constant bullying however would ruin me in a matter of days. There's no need for that kind if behavior in the world. It just not something that should exist and I plan on being there to lessen it as much as possible this semester with the kids that I will be working with starting next week. I will be walking in to my internship with my head held high ready to behave like the princess I am. Like the princess (or prince) we all are.

Be the Change.

"Be the change you want to see in the world"- Ghandi

I found that quote at a dollar store as a wallpaper safe sticker some time last year. It's been stuck on my door ever since. I know that it isn't exactly what Ghandi said but it is an adaptation of his quote so I'll credit him. I've looked to that quote so many times in the last year it isn't even funny. Whenever I was having a bad day and I needed inspiration I would just read it and re read it and stare at it until I felt calmer about the situation. We fail to realize just how much our actions can influence our world. Regardless of how little or seemingly insignificant it is, something you do could be cause a reaction on a much larger scale. Is anyone else mildly intimidated by the amount of power that gives you? Be the change. Be the change. My actions and my decisions today could lead to a much better or a much worse tomorrow and the next day and someone else's Saturday 25 years from now. The thought of that is pretty scary, I am not going to lie. But that thought is also empowering, enlightening, inspiring and generally uplifting. So I will continue to try to be the change. I will try as hard as I possibly can to help others and inspire others to do great things. I want to be that way. 

What's My Motivation

"People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing.  That’s why we recommend it daily." –Zig Ziglar

Even though I did absolutely nothing today (it felt fantastic by the way) that doesn't mean I spent it brooding like the last time. Today I allowed myself to embrace the free time. I watched disney movies, did my hair, and played some video games. Pretty typical stuff really. And it's a necessary activity. With out these so called breaks we wouldn't be able to keep up with our goals or keep ourselves motivated. We would get burnt out on the same thing and same push occuring every single day.

Breaks like today's are something I need to motivate my self. I alsoneed pther people and chocolste and a ton of other things.That's why I posted the the blank picture. My motivation and my motivational text changes all the time so why make just one motivational poster? 

Go the Distance

"I will beat the odds! I can go the distance! I will face the world! Fearless, proud, and strong!" Go the Distance- Hercules-1997

I really enjoyed today and how productive I was. I went to class, answered emails, made multiple phone calls, applied for graduation, and then worked on some things for my sorority. I am very happy with today's accomplishments. Days like today give me the confidence and motivation that I need to continue forward and hopefully enjoy the choices I've am regarding my future. I like feeling this way and setting myself up for success. I hope that once my internship starts next week  success and productivity will continue to be this easy to come by.

Also!!! Today I walked around campus without my crutches for the first time! It wasn't easy and my foot and leg are not happy with me but it is a step that I will need to take more and more often. Normalcy is in the near future... I can go the distance! 

Keep Moving Forward

The second day back to school consisted of waking up at 8 in the morning to do nothing. Most Tuesdays and Thursdays I will probably be working at my internship of working on homework but for as of today I had nothing to do. Now had my foot been functioning and not angry at me for walking around camous all day yesteday then I would have tried to go to the gym or do something productive. Alas, I spent the day napping, watching Disney movies, try to stay warm, and planning for my future. I've been looking into other options and making backup plans in case I don't get in to grad school or in case I end up in grad school and realize that the program I've put myself into is not the one I actually want to be a part of. 

I saw the quote above months ago and I've had it easily accessible at all times ever since. Disney's outlook on life seems to be pretty whimiscal and is just one of those things that makes me want to be better person. I want to try new things and keep moving forward, that just seems like it is the better plan in my opinion.  Today I tried to apply that by looking into options for my future and looking at what is in store for me for my final semester. 

Let's just say I feel like it is going to be good year. 

Standing By Me

"Good friends will help you until you're unstuck."- Winnie the Pooh

The first day back at school was not easy. Sitting down and motivating myself to write this instead of just crashing my head onto my pillow and escaping to dream land was also not easy. From waking up six hours earlier than normal to hobbling around my hilly campus with crutches in fortyh degree weather the change of scenary and routine from the past three weeks was very difficult. Most people on campus weren't even paying attention to this first day back. There's a little championship game going on tonight, no big deal or anything just has everyone distracted.  Besides that though, it was a bleak day. Roomate and I came home exhausted and cold and generall ready to just give up on today. I will hand it to him though, he really came through for my poor, crippled self today. A bunch of people did. And I am so grateful for that. Something I have forgotten to mention until now is how appreciative I am of all the people who assisted me with any and everything while I was still at home. 

I walked out of the house 45 minutes early just so I could avoid being late for my nine am class. Forty. Five. Minutes. I left the house at 8:20! This whole crutches business needs to end very soon. Anyway, after leaving that early, taking 10 minutes to hobble down what is usually a  3 minute path, and finally catching a bus to the other side of campus I made it to my class on time. Yay, woo, good for me and the universe. Then a friend bought me breakfast and basically let me loiter around his house for five hours. You sir are fantastic. The roommate then took over KaitlinWatch and *carried around all of my stuff* for the rest of the day. You sire are also fantastic and I love you. A sister also helped out today, providing me with transportation to pick up this semester's books. 

All of this would have been much more difficult without everyone's assistance. While I may not consider myself to be a social butterfly and have five million friends, I will say that I am so lucky to have the people who are involved in my life and who do put up with me and my shenanigans.

Thank you to all of you. 

Side note: I didn't drink any soda today!! Its a small step but I'm proud of it. 

Ties that Bind

Today was my last day home, presumably for another two or three months. I enjoy going home but I won't lie and say I would rather be staying at my house over going back to my school. I just don't like being stuck in my house and that is pretty much all I did over the break due to my foot. I love my family, despite all of our drama and everything that we have been through. We've been able to over come so many tests and trials and losses. There is no way I would be able to have gotten this far with out them and though I don't say it nearly as often as I should, each one of them knows I love them and appreciate each lesson they've taught me. Which is a large amount if you were wondering. My family on my mother's side alone is around forty people.

Leaving isn't an easy thing for me even though I am excited to go back to school.  My heart breaks everytime I have to leave my nephews and tell them I'll be back soon. They are so little and all I can think about are all of the things I won't be there to see. I wasn't raised by my parents, I was raised by myself and my sibling. All I want to do is be a big part of my nephews' life the way their parents were a part of mine. 

Leaving also reminds me of all the family members I don't get to spend a whole lot of time with every break. Aunts, cousins, my grandmother. The categories don't do the amount of people I failed to appropriately interact with justice.  As I get older and pay more attention to my surroundings family becomes more and more important to me. While it hurts to leave then behind for another semester I have to remind myself that I am going back to anoter family at school. My roommates, sorority sisters, friends and coworkers make up my pseudo family while I am away. I'm going to try to look at it as though I am not leaving my family behind but rather seeing more of them.

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Today's the Day

"Life's not a spectator sport. If watchin' is all you're gonna do then you're gonna watch your life go by without ya."- Laverne- The Hunchback of Notre Dame-1996

If feeling all gross and yucky can take a toll on your goals for a single day, I don't even want to imagine what it can do for my whole year.. I was supposed to do lots of things and see lots of people over the course of today but I just didn't feel well. I canceled all my plans, stayed home and did laundry so that I can go back to school with clothes to wear for the first week. Later on it will be my solum duty to pack all of said laundry and the rest of my stuff in to my large, purple suitcase. Joy. 

Aside from that one bit of productivity, I binged on Netflix and dreaded sitting down to do anything else that required any type of effort. I sat and wasted my life away.  I don't like doing that. All that free time as a last semester college student right before said last semester begins? Its a bad plan. All it results in is worry and anxiety and panic about all of the things I still have to accomplish. Aside from that, once I start worrying and getting overwhelmed I can't stop and thats pretty much all I do for the rest of the day. I just don't have the time to be behaving like this and it must stop. 

If there is one thing I am going to do today it is actually set my goals to accomplish by May regardless of how petty some of them might sound.

1. Stop drinking soda.

2. Visit with the nutritionist on campus to start eating better.

3. Make time to go to the gym, I want to feel better about my self. 

4. Put effort into my appearance 3/4 days out of the week.

5.USE MY PLANNER AND REVISIT MY TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS

6. Stay positive.

7. Take the GRE.

8. Drink more water.

9. Make straight A's my final semester.

10. Be happy with myself and the choices I make

11.Look into internships.

12.Learn how to cook.

13.Work on my relationships.

14. Make better choices with my finances.

14 goals to accomplish by May 2014. Some of them should be fairly easy. The others... maybe not as easy but no one said change was easy.

Patience and Civility

"You follow old Rafiki... He knows the way!" -Rafiki- The Lion King 1994 

Remember how I said people will have an impact on you? Today's impact was reminding me to be patient and civil. I went to my orthopedist to have my foot reevaluated and to hopefully be cleared to go back to work (I wasn't) when I had a lovely little run in with some obnoxious people. Now, I call them obnoxious because that is how *I* viewed their actions but maybe someone else would say differently. That's essentially the point of the picture above in my opinion. 

To start, the receptionist for the clinic seemed very grumpy and bored with her life and didn't seem to care that she was snapping at people. As a receptionist, I cannot say that I blame her for feeling that way. However, as a customer service agent (which she is, as am I) it is expected that each guest to your establishment be treated civilly at the very least.  Lets just say she failed in that department and needs to learn some manners. The other obnoxious person of the day was a fellow patient who previously experienced a hard time with the same receiptionist. I went up to the desk and waited in line to ask a question when she quite literally jumped in front of me with her paper work. Did she not see me standing there with my crutches? Maybe she thought I wasn't in line? I have no idea. 

In both of these instances all I wanted to do was tell these individuals off. I wanted to call out the receptionist for her demeanor and ask if she ought to go home if that was the way she was planning on interacting with people. I wanted to tap the woman who stole my spot on her shoulder and ask whether she was blind or if cutting people was an accepted social skill where she comes from. But I didn't. Instead I reminded myself that not everyone is raised the same way and not everyone is going to deal with a situation they way I would. And that is okay. I have to make the choice to treat these people in a civil manner and be patient with them. It's not all about my self and as an aspiring therapist I need to remind myself of this more often.

"You have to look beyond what you see" -Rafiki- Lion King 1 1/2

On a positive note, my doctor was a pretty cool dude. He was pretty concerned about the shenanigans I've been doing with my foot and gave me explicit instructs for the future. He hates my school but otherwise very friendly and funny. My nephew recently broke something in his foot and we have the same doctor so I am glad to know our doctor is going to take good care of him.

Let It Go

"Let it go, Let it go. Can't hold it back anymore. Let it go, Let it go. Turn my back and slam the door." "Let It Go"-Frozen- 2013

They say you learn something new everyday. Well today I learned quite a few things. For one, I realized I need to not be so serious and  even though I'm fairly good at interpreting things in multiple ways I tend to go the serious route. For another, I have pretty bad impulse control and I need to work on this. Also, I was reminded today that I am not the universe's favorite person (I tried to be healthy and order a grilled chicken salad, chicken arrived undercooked, had to get fries and a shake instead), I am incapable of controlling my stutter, *and* I should probably revisit the idea of not letting people get to me. All of these things I am okay with. They are all part of what it is to be me right now, in this current place in time. Can they change? Of course but it will be on my terms and no one else's. Letting it go.

Aside from all of the things I learned about me today, I learned a couple things about people as well. People will have an affect on other people, positive or negative. That seems redundant and pointless to state but its true. Some people are going to disappoint you or stun you or surprise you or disgust you. It is going to happen more likely than not. It happened to me today. Someone who I thought was my friend and who I thought I meant something to surprised me with his or her shenanigans and kind of shattered the image of our friendship for me. But I'm okay with that. His or her life is not mine to monitor and his or her actions should not dictate how I run my life. I won't let it and I won't allow it. I am stronger than that because I want to be. 

Let it go.

Side note about people:

 Have you ever disagreed with someone or their choices so much that you ask your self "Why do I interact with you?" Have you ever just looked at someone and realized how odd it is to actually be friends with, be in a relationship with, or be related to them? Think about it. We choose to let person X,Y,and Z into our lives because of similar interests or views or because we share the same major in college. We choose to interact with them verbally, conTEXTually (see what I did there?), publicly and privately all because there is something about their individual weirdness that relates to ours. Even people we have nothing in common with, sometimes to the point of being complete opposites, we sometimes let into our lives. Then we complain about it whenever person X, Y, or Z does something that we as individuals don't agree with or that society deems socially inappropriate. Do we do anything about it most of the time? Not from what I've learned about people but I could be (read "probably am") wrong about that.  I'm not saying there is anything wrong with any of this, quite frankly there isn't. Humans are social creatures and we need social groups in order to function. But when I sit back and I look at it as a whole, I'm just baffled, amused, and content with it all at the same time. Does anyone else have this happen to them or am I just off my rocker?  Probably. 

The First Step

"'It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door,' he used to say. 'You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no telling where you might be swept off to.'"-  J.R.R. Tolkien The Fellowship of the Ring 1954.

Every journey starts off with a step, literal or metaphorical. Literal steps are kind of difficult for me currently considering my foot is broken so I'll stick to metaphorical ones for now.  First steps can come in a variety of ways. Thoughts, feelings, a decision on a matter, moving on from a matter... the list could go on and on if someone was creative enough. My first step occurred yesterday when I decided to start this adventure. The second step was making the blog and the third was posting about my decision. First steps can be really scary. Look at how long it takes babies to walk or for someone who wants to change the world to actually stand up and do it. That step is critical to their future and the *have* to trust and believe in themselves enough to even try it let alone keep it going. And that is where I failed last year.

My journey through 2013 started with deciding to be productive and actually work towards more goals instead of just listing them off and expecting them to just happen. I booked a trip to New York for summer and started planning a trip to Disney for spring break. I made a promise that I would go to the gym as well as many other clichéd NYE resolutions that I won't bore you with. 2013 brought me many opportunities and just as much drama be it familial, personal, social, whathave you. Drama. It was everwhere at all times. And it's exhausting.  I *tried* really hard to keep all of my goals but by the middle of the year, I was losing that battle with my self. I just couldnt find the energy, reason, or the self motivation to keep up with the rules that I put down for my self and they slowly slipped away. This year however, I will not let my self commit that same crime. I will be keeping my self in check with these posts and by teaming up with a friend of mine (Branndi314) to go through my remaining semester of undergrad and the rest of my 2014 in the best way possible. 

Happy New Year everyone.

Brandi314's blog:  becauseiwantachange.blogspot.com

Photo retrieved from www.geekwithcurves.com