All Caught Up

I may or may not have just written the last three days worth of blog posts because these last few days have been chock-full (I JUST LEARNED THIS PHRASE WASN'T CHALK FULL) of illness and being tired and fighting with whatever is on my nose.

I worked today, not like anyone is surprised. But it was the first time in forever that I felt kind of back to normal illness wise. Tomorrow I open and I plan on it being a successful, stress free day come hell or high water.

I also learned that my transcripts and all my recommendation letters are in for both of my schools so now it is just up to my interviewing abilities to decide my future. I can do this. I believe in my abilities. I get to go to Howl-o-Scream on Friday.

Hello Again Monday

Monday will probably be my downfall. Whomever decided that Monday should exist was a cruel, twisted individual.

This Monday was spent at training and then getting stranded at work. My cab never showed up so I ended up wondering around the mall for two hours which was poopy. When I finally ended up back home, I glued myself to my iPad and did absolutely nothing but watch OUAT until I had finished the season.

With nothing else to do, I took a shower in hopes that would make my sinuses stop hurting. It didn't.

One to Eight

No those aren't the odds that (insert sports team here) is going to (insert action here), that is how long I had between last night's shift and this morning's. Now fact out travel time and getting ready time and it got about 4 hours of sleep. All I want to do now is go to bed but I have to eat something. And watch OUAT. I should probably be cleaning something as well.

If I Can't

Saturdays can be pretty unnerving in my life. Between all the extra curricular activities the family can be a part of and the multitude of people that I can encounter at work, I can end up pretty tired.  Add that in to an extended shift that consisted of doing things that I'm not confident in my ability to do (while still being very sick) equals a mini mental breakdown.

We get to build things every once in a while at work and most people don't think twice about those days. Then there's me. In theory, building things is the easiest requirement of my job. For some reason this is the exact opposite for me. I look at those instructions and I just get lost and overwhelmed. AND THEN I GET SO MAD AT MYSELF FOR NOT KNOWING HOW TO DO SOMETHING! I don't really understand the logic behind it but it has always been there.

On the up side, I got through half of a season of "Once Upon a Time" and I am completely smitten with Captain Hook and Emma's ship (see what I did there?)!

January 12, 2015

The best way to spend a Friday is to do nothing. All I've done is sleep, drink water, watch movies, music, and stalk  my sorority sisters as today was induction. Actually I lied, I also awkwardly pseudo-flirted with a friend of mine and I planned trips Busch Gardens and maybe Halloween Horror Nights.

Today I also learned that if I get in to either of my graduate program they will start January 12th, 2015. I've never been more torn about a decision in my life. If I go (which I want to obviously) what happens to my family at work? I know what is best is to pursue my therapy dreams as if no other dreams existed however, I don't want to leave my family here. Loss has never been a big deal in my life. When I graduated and I lost my sisters, it was hard to get used to it.  To go from seeing people all the time to not even speaking to more than half of them has proven to be a challenge even this far into the year. When I go back to school, is that what is going to happen with the people I love from work? I just don't know how to prevent that. And the only way I can see how is to not go but that is not option.

I will figure it all out. I know that I'm going to grad school and preferably in the spring. However, if the fates decide otherwise then I get more time with friends.

The Black Plague

Okay so it is possible that I pushed myself a little to hard today by going to work. I feel absolutely awful. One of the managers asked me today if there was anything she could do and I told her: "unless you can get rid of my sinuses all together I don't think so unfortunately."

It has always been this way for me. If I get sick at all it is like I have the Black Plague. I feel like I'm dying and I get quarantined. Ugh. 

Good to Bad

This pattern of good day bad day good day bad day kinda needs to stop. Today consisted of sleep and cold medicine because I am sick. I dislike being sick. We've discussed this.

However, the day was not completely awful as Catherine brought me soup and snacks.

I DROVE TODAY

AND I DIDN'T DIE!

It wasn't scary and I didn't hit anything. I did however realize that the entire right side doesn't exist while I am driving. At all. My sister had to keep telling me to go to the left so that I did not run into any trash cans due to not being able to see them. After about an hour of driving around the neighborhood I decided to stop and then get ready for work.

I was able to help train some of the new hires at work which as fun but it took so long.

WHY MONDAY? WHY!

I know that I have talked about my dislike for Monday's a bunch but the first half of this particular Monday REALLY solidified that hatred.

I closed the night before so of course I get to open the next day. No big deal, whatever. I get to see an old friend! I was excited for this. The morning ended up in shambles with me being behind on everything because a new project had to be done. I don't like being behind or feeling like I am running out of time. That paired with the rest of the stress from the last week resulted in a crying Kaitlin once again. Once I was able to catch up on my tasks and not feel like I had to be the person to do everything the day went a lot better.

AND THEN I GOT TO SEE CATHERINE! We went shopping and we got ice cream and then she made dinner!!! I have never heard of tomato sauce in beans and rice but it works so I am glad someone thought of it. After dinner, we were able to FINALLY watch Captain America: The Winter Soldier which was good. The whole story arc for Captain America doesn't really appeal to me but it was a good superhero movie. What it means for the Avengers and for the rest of the Marvel universe hasn't quite been revealed yet but I am hoping it will eventually lead to the Tony Stark vs Captain America civil war plot!

Today Was Better

It started at 6:30 in the morning but it was better. Yesterday's post still isn't done but today can at least be talked about.

A co-worker collected me from my house and we went to go learn some things about visual elements. To be honest, I don't feel like I really learned anything I didn't already know but it is always good to refresh. The next step is to practice and then practice and then practice again. That class ended at 10 so I went to McDonald's for some breakfast and then came home and napped. It was glorious. 

I ended up back at work to close out the day and it went easier than yesterday. There were no hiccups, there weren't too many guests to deal with, and I had time to get everything done. I'm feeling more confident about this whole closing thing although I definitely would rather work during the day. 

Bonus better point of the day: my eye makeup was on point. I'm so mad at myself for not getting a picture!

Well That's Peachy

And I'll talk about it tomorrow.

.... or 4 days from then. This was a Saturday post and it was my second time closing all by my self. Saturday during the day was okay. I won hundred dollars from a store called Tatyana which is where I got my 50's style bathing suit from. That was really exciting because it means a new interview dress AND it means I get to get Catherine something as well! She LOVES that store and there is no way I am going to spend 100 dollars all by myself.

The day got even better when I found out about my G-Little getting twin Littles this semester! The legacy of multiples continues! I was so excited for her and for our line that I came running down the stairs to tell my real sister. She of course had no idea what I was talking about but I just had to fangirl with someone! I hope I get to meet them soon so that I can plan for GGBig presents >:]

The awesomeness of that day ended there. I walked into work ready to conquer the day and have a successful Saturday closing. This did not happen. Saturday is a busy day all by itself. For some reason it felt so much more busy because it was my night. I don't get stage fright much anymore but that is the closest way I can describe the feeling I had on Saturday. I ended up having closing issues and I had to call for help, which isn't the part that bothers me. The part that bothers me is the fact that the issue that I had put me over half an hour. UGHHHHHH.

I know this isn't what it is going to be like forever. I know that I will get better at everything over time. I just wish I could fast forward my learning curve and be better at it now.

I Cried Because

Before I start, I should probably say that I can't tell you all the details. Today was hard. This is the third day of doing the best that I can at the job that I have. Except on the third day everything, felt just a little bit harder. 

I'm a pretty resilient person. But there are some things that I don't even realize are stressing me out until they're over. Now there are things happening for people that I can't talk about in situations I know nothing about that are affecting my life and today I thought I was doing alright regarding those situations. I wasn't completely wrong but I definitely did take more confidence in myself than I had abilities. I totally burst in to tears today when I realized that someone had come back from being away for three days And I did that because I was overwhelmed and  I didn't even know it. As soon as that person came back my thought process was "They're here, they can fix it" and I just started crying. I had never been so glad to see that person in my life than I was at that moment.

Now these aren't tears of sadness but tears of happiness. There were tears of happiness earlier on in the day as well. I was offered an interview for a grad program and I can't even begin to explain how happy and grateful and humbled I am for this opportunity.

I was already on a new adventure both at work and in my personal life but now a new adventure may be starting at school as well. Things are going to get really crazy really fast and I know that I have to keep how stressful my life is in check. I know that I can do this, I was born to do this. Now it is all about making it happen. 

Things To Do

My list of things to do at work has been taking over my list of things to do for Xavier and at home. I should send my transcripts to Xavier today and I will probably go do that aft I write this blog unless I fall asleep whole typing it. I also ned to finish cleaning my room, start answering more interview questions, call back Alexis, learn how to drive and I am sure I am forgetting something.

The Real Beginning

I know that I have talked quite bit about things starting to pick up at work but I was wrong until today. Today was busy and a little stressful but overall it felt okay. I stumbled a few times and I didn't know the answers to a few questions but that is okay. Now if I could only feel as okay about not being 1000% knowledgeable about or able to do certain things. It will all get there, one bajillion hour shift at a time xD 

While I was at worked I was notified that all of my UCF application materials have been received which is a huge relief! The email prompted me to make an account so I can watch the status of my application and I am hoping that this is a sign from the universe that an interview is in my future.

The day finished with a much needed visit with Catherine! 

We both took a break from our busy lives to chat and then we went and saw The Giver. I thought it was good but it was different from the book so if you read the book you may be a little confused/disappointed. It definitely got the same messages across though! 

Another Step Forward

This isn't all that exciting but my application has been received and updated for UCF! I am so relieved that everything is in and that I won't be denied based in a technical error. Now I just have to sit back, hope/pray/give good vibes for an invitation to interview for their program. 

Eyeliner on Flick

Okay so I might have stolen my title from Vine but I have no shame!! I did my make up today and my eyeliner was NEARLY PERFECT! The only thing that was off was the thickness. I am getting closer to conquering the beast. 

In other news, I went back to work after a beautiful day off and I don't even know what all I accomplished today, I just know it was hectic.  Afterwards I went to the eBar in Nordstroms and ordered my self a Mexican hot chocolate which is fantastic and I highly recommend it to everyone. When I finally got home I made dinner (it was gross but food has been gross lately) and then got on my computer to write things!

I used to write fanfiction and my own stories all the time but fell out of the habit when my IB exams became a priority. I wrote things on paper in college but I neverreally got around to typing them to post them on the Internet so I did that today instead of doing more loads of laundry. Do what you love right?

Need My Toothbrush

So after all of the fun and excitement that was yesterday with Alexis, the real world showed up in the form of submitting my final grad school application, doing laundry, and starting interview prep. It also showed up when I realized that I left my toothbrush somewhere that I cannot find. I am one of those people who uses things until they completely die so the fact that I am now having to get a new toothbrush before the other one's time had ended kind of bothers me.

Now, I would share a picture of what my room looks like on a daily basis but I don't want anyone to call someone have my room condemned. Besides, its never as bad as it looks. Under my bed is all organized and now I can FINALLY start to organize the closet because my sister moved her clothes out of it. What makes my room look so messy is the fact that there is three separate college living spaces worth of things in it. Everything that I once was able to fit in to a 300 sq foot space is now crammed in to the guest room at my sisters house. Most of it is clothes. So. MANY. CLOTHES. That is why I started doing laundry today because I have finally gone through all of the clothes and they had started to take over my room. I have about half of them washed and contained.


I am not sure when the next battle commences.

Challenging Falcon's Fury

AND WON! The ride is not that bad AT ALL! It might be a little intimidating but it definitely did not bring about any fear I'm this girl!

I Mean Seriously?

Piggy backing off of yesterday's post, I found a few hours ago that my FaceTime function will no longer work if I don't upgrade to ios7. How rude and un-user friendly is that? Seriously! 

Anyways, I have pictures of the new things I got today but they are on a different device so I have to wait until tomorrow after Alexis and I's Busch Gardens trip and after my shift at work to upload them. TOMORROW IS THE DAY! FALCON'S FURY!!!

I can't tell you WHY I want to essentially free fall from 300 feet in the air but I do and I can't wait!

I'm Mildly Offended

This is not the post I was going to post today but when this happened it commandeered today's topic.

First of all, PRIOR TO THE IOS UPDATE I WAS ABLE TO DO THIS! The fact that Apple has decided to be a giant troll and not allow Siri to help because I don't want their stupid update is ridiculous. Screw you guys. Second of all, I WILL NOT UPDATE to iOS 7 or 8 or 1,486,030 unless I am running it on a device it was designed for. My phone and my iPad work perfectly fine without the uselessness that is ios7. If I wanted a droid I would have bought one. 

Today's Permit Day

And it was a really long day. Aft a morning of pancake making and Just Dance- ing with Catherine, we headed to the permit test taking place which, even though it wasn't a DMV, gave me anxiety. I'm not an anxious person. Now before anyone says anything about the whole "you're 21 and just got your permit" thing, don't. It took so long because I don't really have a desire or a care to drive. It's not a thing that was ever on my radar. Things happened, time ran out, my mom was sick, my sister was pregnant, I hate the DMV more than most people, IB was stressful, I had no need to drive, I'm too laid back for my own good, I'm blind in one eye. Pick one and apply it as the reason it took so long.

After getting said permit though, Catherine and I went looking for Halloween costumes and brackets and something else that is escaping me right now.

I tried on the one above and one other one. Ill give hugs and props to the person who can guess whatthat  costume was supposed to be. I didn't end up getting that one either, I got the other one. Now I just have to acquire fangs. Woo!

Catherine and I's very long day soon came to a close when I got a text from a manager to remind me about a coworkers birthday! So Catherine and piled back in the car and ran to Publix to gather the ingredient to make cupcakes! I didn't have a great piping bag for the pink icing but I'm impressed with how this cupcake came out! 

Phenomenal Cosmic Powers

Despite all this disappointment and stress yesterday, today made up for it a little bit. I am finally able to do all of the computer actions I haven't been able to do because my status was finally updated in the computer! Yay! Hopefully this is a sign that now that I have freaked out about everything it is all going to get better. 

I also talked to UCF today and found out that I could have submitted my application without my recommendation letters months ago. Isn't that just lovely? I submitted it today and now I just have to wait for one more letter for it to be complete! And for my transcripts to get there. 

Believe You Can

"You can do anything, just not everything"

Today was a long day. Work went from 8-2, I got to see Kayla from 2-630, and then I started watching the Teen Wolf season finale marathon when I came home while I finished the last few modules of my permit course.

However, that isn't solely why today was long. You see, days take much more of a toll when they make you feel completely incapable of doing anything. Like at work for instance, I had to fight the tears the feeling of failure brought on. I know I'm still learning but I dislike disappointing myself and the fact that I cannot do everything right and in a timely manner is disappointing to me. To make matters worse, I also failed another permit practice test which is even more frustrating. I've been reviewing all of these things for 6 years. Yes, I have only been really getting in to the little details of them for the past month but 6 YEARS of effort should not result in my passing only 2 out of 9 tests. I don't understand.

Luckily, Kayla and an email from Dr. Sullivan saying my goal statement was brilliant made today better. I am capable of doing things obviously, now it is just getting to do the things I NEED to do. Big plate of belief in one's self, table 12?

My Make Up

I didn't expect to be this tired from a nine hour day and yet here we are. I really should buy and take my make up off but I have a feeling it is jut time for sleep.

Joining Best Buddies

Today some of my coworkers and I got to volunteer with the local Best Buddies chapters when they had their leadership meaning. We were able to help with registration and we were able to entertain them throughout the summit!

Feeling Slightly Overwhelmed

With all the good and bad news these past few weeks I have been really struggling to find a good balance. I am so thrilled to be gearing up for holiday time but there is just so much informant to learn at work and I'm a self teacher. However, this isn't something I can teach myself. I have to learn it in a timed and busy environment which is what the real challenge is. 

Other than that life is going okay. Wednesday is permit day so I have been reviewing road rules and signs whenever I can. I need to email some more UCF people to let the know that my transcripts may be arriving late due FSU revamping their transcript system. I also need to reserve th first t Fridays in October off for possible interviews. Oh boy.

"SO SO GRATEFUL"

You know that moment where you look back on a tough section of your life and you think "that wasn't so bad"? Obviously the whole recommenders have bailed thing thwt just happened isnt the worst thing to have to me but now that it is over with I couldn't be more grateful. I honestly haven't had this good of a day in a while and it is all because Dr. Sullivan, Dr. Licht, and my lab supervisor have all come through with letters of recommendation for me. The amount of times I used the words 'grateful' and 'thank you' today in my various emails just baffles me. I do however mean each and every one. I could not be more grateful to these three individuals and I don't think I will ever be able to express it in the right way.

Today also saw me decide to keep my spring admission plan. If I was able to get all of this done in a week so I am going to interpret this as a sign that I am meant to attend a graduate program in spring. Now to just prepare my bank account and my self for another culture shock. 

World At Ease

At least for a little while. Today was a reset day as I was off from work and I tried to use it as so. I woke up around 10:30 and then emailed professors and made phone calls regarding the letters of recommendation situation. So far I have had two professors email me back saying that they would writ the best letter that they could given that they don't really know me all too well anymore. At this point I am eager to accept that but I am still battling with myself over spring or fall admission. 

The other things on my list for today were to relax as much as possible, do laundry, and then study some more for the road signs and rules test next week! I started relaxing off by hanging out by the pool  but I soon realized that it had fresh chemicals in it so I showered off and went inside. My next idea was to marathon True Blood until my eyes fell out of my head but that didn't end up happening dully as I was saved by Catherine!

The rest of our day was spent at The Container Store, Cracker Barrel, and then helping her and Alex move into the new apartment. I also got my iPad back which I am going to try to limit my time with. Of course it is easier to use upstairs where I don't have a computer but I get so distracted by the Sims and Netflix. I HAVE to keep up some sort of productive pace.

All The Time

Now that question sounds more dramatic than I am intending. I also found that in that format on the interwebs so any grammar mistakes in that square do not belong to me. The rest of course do. Anyway, today's post isn't very happy regardless of all the new experiences I am gaining from work. I just feel so stuck and yet out of place due to this whole grad school debacle. I really don't know what I should do. I have thought of four people to email an call tomorrow (DAY OFF WOOO) however those people don't know what I am capable of. I have interacted with them enough to be comfortable talking to them in class but to ask for a recommendation? I don't think I have earned that honor. I just highly dislike the confusion and general LIFE ALTERING WEIGHT of this situation. I believe in fate and that the universe/Merlin/God/Banana People from planet Pluto has/have a reason for everything, I just cannot figure out what the reason is for losing a recommender. Maybe I'm not meant to see it right now but the idea that this would happen just weeks before final applications are due even though I have been emailing them since March is just baffling to me.

In regards to the square of text. I understand that not everyone, myself included, is happy all the time. That isn't a normal thing to expect. There are going to be stressors and situations that alter are emotional state. I will say though, the amount of people who could answer that questions "everyday" is one of the reasons I want to be a counselor. You shouldn't feel trapped or scared or sad but fake being happy. And if you do then you shouldn't feel compelled to fake being happy.


ALSO: To the anonymous commenter on the post prior to this one who told me I was born to do the things I have been working on at work. You are awesome and I thank you so much for your encouragement!

Eight Hour Day

I am really excited about all the tasks I was able to learn/practice today and I get to do it all over again tomorrow! Now to get used to everything. I can do this!!