IT'S CONCERT DAY

AHHHHHH ITS HERE!!! I GET TO SEE HUNTER IN 5 HOURS!!!

I will be road tripping with Amanda to get to Estero, Florida and then we're Hayesing it up for 7 hours. Pictures will follow later. I can't handle my life. 

Amanda and I arrived at Germain Arena around 2:30pm which meant that I had time to put on makeup and change into my concert outfit.  Afterwards, I stood in line for 45 minutes and made friends with two mother/daughter pairs. I know one of the girls' names was Miranda but the other one I can't remember for the life of me which makes me sad. I will have to find her on Instagram.

Anyway, the meet and greet finally came and it was fantastic. Hunter walked in as calm and nice as ever, sang a few notes of "Hey Soul Sister" by Train for a few girls who were playing Heads Up, and then he gave a quick run down of why they were starting late. Apparently they arrived to the venue late by their standards so set up, sound check, and Hunter's other meet and greets were starting later than  scheduled. When he finished his apology/explaination/thanking everyone for their help and patience he kind of laughed at himself, gave a brief expanation of how Coffee House works (you ask questions, he answers, and then you get one small thing signed and a picture with him) and then he kind of stood there waiting for someone to ask a question.

Im normally really, really shy and I like to wait for the group but I decided in that moment to raise my hand and start Q and A session. He appreciated this and actually thanked me/encouraged a round of applause from the rest of the people for me deciding to go first. Then he asked me my name and if we had ever met before which I told him we had. Essentially this is what happened:

Him: "Oh sweet, where?"

Me: "In Savannah"

Him: "Savannah. Savannah..."

Random person: "Georgia! The Crazy Tour!"

Him: "OH!! Awesome! You were on the Crazy tour! When? Before or after the show?"

Me: "Actually it was in one of these!"

Him (with this amazingly goofy smile on his face as he raised his arms and gestured around the room): "We've upgraded right?"

Me: "Yeah, this is awesome. Very Swanky"

The entire CHE applauded/ complimented the use of the word swanky.

Him" Thank you so much! What was your question?"

Me:"I just wanted to ask about covering 'Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" because I don't think I have ever been more in love with your voice ever than on that song, especially on the high notes"

The expressions on his face were some of the most spectacular I have ever seen him make. He was apparently blown away by that compliment and probably said several derivatives of the 'Thank You' like 6 times. before answering.

Him: "Thank you so much. Wow. That's so funny that you say that because I was actually losing my voice when I went in to recorded. Can I tell you a funny story?"

me and everyone else:" OF COURSE"

Him: " *laughing* Well, like I said, I was losing my voice. We had two days booked in the studio but we really only had one day to record. I knew I was losing my voice so I called in Sam to sing with me as well but I went in and I figured that Paul would hear me and after one time be like 'Okay you're done come in' but we ended up doing three takes, all without the chorus because I KNEW that I couldn't sing that part. I had no flasetto. They ended up staking all three of the takes on top of each other but they were still missing the chorus. I actually ended up recording it on a kitchen chair at my apartment in my closet. *laughter*  It was weeks later, two days before everything was due for the record and I was at my apartment in Nashville and I finally had my voice back so I went to record it. My apartment is very loud. Its got wood floors and high ceilings so everything is loud. The only place I could record was in my closet surrounded by my ridiculous amount of jackets. SO, I grabbed a chair and set up the mic and everything, recorded the track, and emailed it to Paul who put it in to the final version which is what you guys hear."

Me: "Well its fantastic and beautiful. You did an amazing job."

Him:" Thank you, really. That's so awesome to hear. I've been wanting to put it into the show I'm just not sure if everyone knows it yet. I'm going to have to put in at somepoint I'm sure. Thank you again. I feel like I just scared everyone for asking questions now *laughter* 'Oh lord, he takes 20 minutes to answer each question. Better not ask him anything else' it's okay I promise!"

I was floored and amazed and I don't even know. That's one of my favorite songs so its just so amazing to hear more information behind it.

Other people got to ask questions and he was pretty long winded with each one. Then he told us that because we were the last show on the tour that we would be getting some new stuff and that "friends wil be visiting."

 Then it was picture time. I was in the middle so my time with him one on one was even more rushed because they were running late. I hugged him and told him it was good to see him again. He asked me  my name one more time and apologized for forgetting it. Then I had him sign my bag which is pictured below and then we got to take a picture. Afterwards, I hugged him and told him he was a beautiful human which is something I say to a ton of people and I don't mean it in a physical sense. I mean it as more of a commentary on how someone is performing as a human being. Hunter is a fantastic one. He also obviously has no idea what I'm talking about when I say that and he responded with "Aww no, you're beautiful" and that is when I died. 

The concert was fantastic. He was on stage for about 2 and half hours which is a little less than what he promised (inside joke for the CHE where he said that he was thinking it was going to be closer to three hours and then  said "Watch, now we are going to be on stage for 2 hours and 59 minutes and all of you are going to be mad. You're all going to be like 'That little punk! He said three hours and he lied! Him and his 22 year old self with the ego. Gosh!' " IT WAS SO ADORABLE) but it is okay. He changed the set list, cutting out "Cry With You" and "A Thing About You" for sure. I know there were more but I would have to do some cross referencing which i don't have time for at the moment. He added about 9 songs as well which we were all very pleased with.

I had a pit ticket so I was ridiculously close to the stage so video and pictures will eventually be posted somewhere. My favorite part of the night though was Hunter looking me dead in the eyes for a section of 'Wanted' and that right there is a really good feeling.

K

Just So Jittery

I have been fighting concert jitters all day. I wasn't nervous the last time I met Hunter so I don't understand why I am getting  antsy now anyway. Agdhfkgij. 

Anyways, today was basic. I went to work with no make up on, came home and played with my nephew/watched the Land Before Time, had dinner (Carabba's mashed potatoes=da bomb), and then lounged about for two hours. 

That's when the nervousness really started to kick in. That is also when I realized I had stuff to make for tomorrow which required digging through all of my still packed boxes to find 6 Hunter related items. I have no life. 

The Little Things

The phrases: " Kid's say the darnedest things" and "out of the mouth of babes" have been resonating with me a whole bunch now that I've been home for a while. I missed so much of my nephew's 6 years being at school and thats just how life goes. He's not my son obviously but he might as well be like a brother when  you look at my family dynamic. Regardless, he says some pretty awesome stuff and the kid doesn't forget anything. He also get's really funny when I leave to go somewhere without the family. For example, yesterday I left his presence around 12 and didn't see him until this morning. In those 24 hours, allhe did  was ask where I was and when I would be back. In previous situations he has wondered what I was going to eat where ever I was and if I was going to like it. 

What causes me to write this though is the fact that he gave me a present today. Yesterday he had to sit through his brother's speech therapy. He gets a prize  for doing this. He saw that there were two of something and he ran back to the therapist and asked if he could have both because he wanted to "give one to my aunt Kate." They were matching Olaf sticker's because he hears me singing Frozen songs from work all the time.

Also today he gave me a complete run down of my schedule for the next three days which includes:

"You're going to work today? I though that was tomorrow? Oh wait, you work tomorrow too. And then the next day you get to see your rockstar friend [he's referring to Hunter Hayes] and then you come home and then you go to work right?"

He can't read but he know's my schedule almost better than I do.

Make Up Day

Because plans had to be canceled yesterday, I ended up meeting Catherine today at the mall and then we went and did stuff starting with her allergist appointment. As she as said in her blog, she's allergic to everything and her appointment today was to further possible treatment of that. Afterwards we went to her house and played with possible makeup looks for her brother's wedding. She wanted to brighten her eyes so we eventually decided on a neutral base with some blue accent to bring put the brown in her eyes. Then it was off to Ulta to pick up some lip and eye products that she needed to complete the look. Its going to look awesome!

She made us some yummy mashed potatoes and roasted broccoli for dinner and then we watched The Heat (WINDOW BLANKETS!!!) and played Just Dance!!

Girl time with Catherine is always fun, mostly because she's just so full of liveliness and gumption. You can't NOT have fun with her. It's not humanly possible.

Picture retrieved from this website but their opinions are entirely their own:

http://kikiandtea.com/2013/02/does-

makeup-feed-our-insecurities/

Very Unhappy Hayniac

I'll be honest and tell you that this is a straight out whiney, full of complaints post. If you're planning on judging me for it you should really re-evaluate your priorities in life because I promise  you that you have 10 million things you could be spending your time on other than reading this and judging me for my petty little problems. 

Anyway, today I realized that my seats for the concert on Saturday aren't where I thought they were. The type of ticket I bought is a meet and greet ticket. The last time I had one of those my seat was the second row from the stage. I am officially spoiled when it comes to Hunter Hayes concerts. Well I was doing research last night and I discovered that while my ticket says "Floor 1, Row 1" it means that its approximately 45 feet away from the back of the standing room only pit section. This bothers me and I feel that I am justified in being bothered considering the amount of money that ticket cost (it was a graduation present). I did some further research today and I discovered that the pit section was only 55 dollars. That's around 20% of what my ticket costs. That makes me really, really agitated regardless of the fact that I understand why my ticket costs the amount that it does. I am having coffee with the artist, I honestly understand. I just don't understand why it wasn't explicitly stated in any of the literature I was given about the concert (I read it all, twice) that the meet and greet tickets had reserved seating behind the pit. When I first looked at these tickets, pit wasn't even listed. I would have noticed it three months ago, trust me. Arrrgghhhhhhh. I just dislike it. They pay not even half of what I did and they get some of best views in the house? Uhm how about no? 

I remedied this situation by finding a pit ticket on Stub Hub and deciding "you know what, I

That's where I want to sit, what is another 60?" and I bought the damn thing. So there. And before anyone sits there and tells me I'm spoiled or selfish or what have you, I earned that money. It was a present to myself. These were not options I had regularly growing up and every concert I went to prior to age 14 was a gift. Yes, I understand that some people never have the option to go to a concert at all. Yes, I understand that some people will never have the option to meet their idol at all let alone a second time. I told you it was a complain post.

In other news, my sister and her husband celebrate their 8th wedding anniversary today which is awesome. They've been through way too much in their 13 year relationship so its exciting that they were able to celebrate today even it was with just dinner. I forgot and had made plans with Catherine but then my sister told me this morning and I had to move Catherine time to tomorrow. I got to rock my pajamas and play with small kids all day. Woo!

Happy Memorial Day

"I know the way we say goodbye is not the way that anyone would do.

And like a wave out on the ocean, I will always come right back to you... 

Nothing changed, nothing fades, nothing lost. 

And we pick up where we left off" - 

Where We Left Off -Hunter Hayes

I thought of today's post like three days ago when I realized that Memorial Day was

coming up and that I had a song that I could talked about in relation to the day. I just 

didn't get around to writing the post exactly when I wanted to.

The first time I met Hunter there was an Iraq war veteran in the room with us. The whole 

reason he and his wife had paid the 187 dollars a person to meet Hunter was to personally 

thank him for writing the song "Where We Left Off" for the Act of Valor sound track. 

"Where We Left Off" was the first song I ever bought of Hunter's. I fell in love with 

"Wanted" but this song made me cry. Bawl actually. I remember sitting in my living room 

and sobbing as I listened to it on repeat for like three days and I don't have any military 

ties, I just thought it was beautiful. Hunter is a really modest and humble person who 

still hasn't quite  wrapped his mind around the fact that he's world famous and upon 

hearing this he immediately switched the topic of conversation from himself to this 

man's service and the sacrifice he and his battalion made for the country.

He was lucky to come home and be able to have a family with his wife. 

Not all have that opportunity. 

Not all of our service men and women get to come home and pick up where they left off.

 

I hope everyone had a good holiday and I also hope it occurred to everyone why we have 

this day. I know it  didn't ever occur to me when I was younger but now 

it makes a little more sense. Freedom may not cost anything material but it definitely 

isn't free.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qOYMDmDZnR8&feature=kp

Least Favorite Things

I really dislike not being motivated and I also dislike that I am naturally a procrastinator because it takes a lot to motivate me. Even on Christmas morning it takes a lot for me to show a bit of excitement or gratefulness. I'm pretty ambivalent and indifferent about things which is a blessing and a curse.

I want this blog to mean something. What or to who I don't know but I want it to matter. Because I want it to matter, it bothers me quite a bit that I'm so unmotivated to sit down and write now that I am home. I don't have anything to write about here it seems. My life is pretty much the same everyday and I don't feel like I'm learning anything new anymorw. How do you go about 7 months of that???

Hopefully this little bout of burnout with pass and I can get back to finding meaning in my day to day life and not just feel like I've been on autopilot. 

Losing My Voice

After spending two days at Amanda's house (I'll do a post about her significance one day) I had to go back to work at 10:00AM this morning. I'm used to Saturday morning shifts at my job so that was no big deal. What I am not used to is showing up at work with a line of 25 people outside waiting for Frozen merchandise. 

You see, for the last four Saturdays, all of my stores have had to accommodate a line of parents and children alike as they wake up extremely early and wait for whatever product we might get from the movie. They also get up to put their names into an opportunity drawing to maybe be able to buy one dress. Chaos. 

Well, I lost my voice in the midst of yelling instructions regarding the drawing and the morning's procedures to the ever growing group of people who were showing up before we opened. In all, I ended up communicating with around 75 people if you include those who brought friends and/or small children. After the morning's festivities were over, I continued to work and helped numerous guests throughout the store and at the box office. My voice just kept going and going until finally one guest approached me to buy two pairs of pajamas for his daughter and I could not talk at all. 

The rest of my day was pretty lax. I went to lunch, sat at an interior design store while my sister haggled with some people, came home and played with my nephew a little, and then we had dinner. 

Through out the day I have been continuing to work on my Sim's goals and preparing to lose them all. The last update not only brought horses but time limits on my Sims' lives. I have existed with my Sims for the last two years. Now, they only live around 75 days and I am actually dreading losing them.

Found A Unicorn

... and I have spent all of today working toward finishing the goal that it brought to my Sims game. If I finish this goal then I get to keep a unicorn!!! If you don't play the Sims, I don't blame you for thinking my obsession is really weird. If you do play, then you understand. Free. Unicorn.

This is literally all I did today and then Amanda came home from work, we watched two really awful movies and then we got cake. 

To Write About

Whenever I can't think of anything to write about on here it is usually because I either waited to long to write it, my day was hella boring, or I can't think of anything inspiring which makes me sad. 

I went to work, might have a cold, and then I got to see Amanda and watch a bunch of horror/thriller movies.

Woo.

Two Magical Years

While technically my two years was May 20th we celebrated that in the store today. I am so excited to be part of the little family at my store and to be apart of such an amazing company! Thank you so much to Meghan and Kim for throwing me a little celebration today :) 

Other things that I have been a part of for two years this spring? My sorority which means I've known Catherine for two years too!

Speaking of Catherine, I GOT TO SEE HER TODAY!!

We played Just Dance 4 for two and a half hours but it went by ridiculously fast. Everything hurts now BUT it was worth it!  

After dancing to 15 songs back to back we decided to watch Madagascar Three because she had never seen it. This movie is fantastic and it is my favorite of that trilogy! She liked it a whole lot too so it was a very fun day! 

Friends Like Family

Monday and Tuesday's seem to be break days and that is perfectly fine with me. I ended up staying at Sparkle Doodle's house until almost 1:30 am so I came home and passed out until 12:30 today. I can sleep like nobody's business. 

He is one of my friends that I have known and kept around since elementary school. There are only three and it is probably better that way. Upon realizing this just know I am a little blown away. I have three friends that I have known for more than half of my life. That's crazy. I don't really talk to anyone from my middle school and I have maybe another four "like family" friends from high school. 

Anyway, I was able to go visit another one of those "like family" friends today. When I say "like family" I mean I practically assimilated into her family. Her name is Alexis and I have known her since third grade. We practically lived at each other's houses kids and her family was kind and generous and awesome enough to take me on family vacations with them when my mom got sick. Before coming to live with my sister, Alexis' family was one of my main support systems in dealing with my mother's issues. I didn't really have a primary family and they became that at certain times. Of course they weren't the only ones. I had my sister's father, his wife and his step daughter to fall back on at their farm. I also had my best friend of 16 years and her mother to go to. I mean I frequently and openly call her mom "Mom" it is just kind of a thing. But this is about Alexis. Since high school I have had issues hanging out with her as much as I used to. I just always got so busy and so sidetracked with how quickly my life was happening that I would forget to call her back or I didn't have time to call her back. And then I would feel awful. This only continued in college but I'm hoping I can make up for it now that I'm home for a good chunk of time.

Breaks and Friends

Today was my first of two days off and I spent it grocery shopping, watching movies with my nephew, moving tile, an then hanging out with an old friend. Sparkle Doodle (Luis)and I go way back so I love to see him. We ended up walking  around for three and now we're off to do other shenanigans. 

Very Confusing Things

Somethings in life just confuse you. Kind of like the picture above.

I don't know where I found this but it has been sitting in my phone for months and today it is useful. Work went by quickly and it a good day! I was able to use my Spanish speaking skills and had really good sales so I was rocking it out.

What confused me today were the actions of people. My store targets children. If you do not want your children to explore my store, why bring them with you? If you think they are going to want to look at things with then you should talk to them prior to entering and explain to them that they can look but that doesn't mean they can buy anything. Why bring in your child if you're going to reprimand ad discipline them for asking for something? 

This doesn't make sense to me and I have A LOT of experience with children of various ages. I can handle kids, I can get them to do pretty much anything. If you're a parent and you are bringing in your child, why is it so difficult to explain your expectations to him or her? I am actually confused by this.

The Same Name

In the last three days I have had the pleasure of working with on of my old managers again and he was kind enough to ask me about my life and school. He even remembered how I used to joke about writing a book to tell my story and asked me if I had started writing yet. Of course I haven't but I did start this. This is kind of like my life story  right? 

Anyway, today I met a little girl named Kaitlin spelled exactly the way I spell mine and we bonded over this. I helped her find some gifts for her little sister and then we bonded some more over our love of singing, dancing, and Rapunzel. We are the same person. 

After work I got an Olaf doll for a sister and then I headed home to see if my sister was going to go to this block party thing she was invited to. I was invited to go out with Catherine and Alex and their friend Aaron but I was never sure if my sister was actually going to go to the party so I wasn't able to. It's okay though, hopefully I can go out with Catherine and Alex AND BRANDI to a place where you can ride a mechanical bull!

Another Day Done

I am openly admitting that a sister shared this on Facebook earlier today and I snatched it from whomever she shared it from. While I don't agree with all of it, I do appreciate the quote's message of don't dwell on things. However, sometimes a failure or a slip up can lead to amazing discoveries about  yourself or can result in the motivation to complete a task. 

Today was boring but such is life when you don't have work (technically I did but no one told me so it's not on me) or plans or the ability to go do anything without inconvenicong someone else. June will see me in a motor vehicle. Scary, I know but I am going to make it happen come hell or high water. My life for the day consisted of watching wedding shows and laying around. And then I took a shower and got some Chipotle and a cupcake ( sweet nectar of the gods). As I was eating the cupcake, my sister made a comment about how I need to stop "doing that." And then she went on to call her 125 pound self fat. I know she was talking about sweets. I know that I have a problem. I like food, especially if it's of the dessert or potato variety.

Things I don't like, having to pay bazillions of dollars to join a gym and having that gym be full of body builders. That just kills everyone's confidence. It was one of my goals to get back to the gym at school and to eat better. It didn't really happen. I acknowledge that I failed. But in that failure I succeeded in gradauting from college and in maintaining an A- in all of my classes.  Hopefully, i can put that on the pther half of the year's goal list and actually get to it.

I'll be posting a final update on the year's first set of goals before the Hunter Hayes concert in 15 days. 

It Takes Two

To run a store. Or so it would seem after these last two days. My manager has been sick so the amount of people at work has been abnormal. Yesterday it was an assistant manager and I and today it was the same thing. 

The place hasn't burned down so I think we're doing okay.

A Long Day

Maybe not quite as long as long cat but my day was definitely long for only having been back at work for the second time.

This is definitely not meant to be taken as a "woe is me! I had to work for seven hours! My life is so difficult," type of post. I appreciate having the hours and having a job in general. I just have never been the primary every thing at my job for 5/7 hours and for a Wednesday we were fairly busy.

Today I met many people who were here on vacation. People from Australia, Austria, Brazil, and Curacao came in to the store to get all kinds of gifts and clothes for loved ones and themselves. It so interesting to me to hear everyone's story when they come to the store. The couple that visited from Austria, for instance, is here with their children and grandchildren for the first time. Tomorrow they will be going to Disney for the first time and they wanted to pick up some shirts. Go them. What was really interesting about the couple's story was the grandfather figure had visited Florida 25 years ago and he was really excited to make comparisons. So far, as he told me, everything as changed and its magnificent. We are a "beautiful state."

I Miss You

"Cause if home is where the heart is, then why am I homesick?" Homesick- Hunter Hayes

Okay. I know its only been a week and a half since I left but in my perpetual boredom today I noticed that something was missing. I noticed that I felt homesick for places and people that aren't actually home. I talked very briefly to a handful of people from school/college life and suddenly I was just very underwhelmed. The likelihood of seeing some of those people again is so slim and it makes me sad.mi miss them already; how do I go about never seeing them again? 

In better news, only 18 more days until I get to be in the presence of Mr.Hunter Hayes... again :D

(He gives really good hugs)

Back to Nothing

Yesterday I went back to work and today I went back to doing nothing. I was given today and tomorrow off from work and then next week will be a busy schedule again. I can't wait to go back for linger periods of time and to see all of my fellow  Cast Members.

I will also be working on finally getting my learner's permit and eventually my actual license. Yes, I know, the 21 year old not having her license is the most ridiculous thing ever. Well for one thing, I dis try when I was 16 but I failed the test. I'm also blind in one eye. I'll get it though. I need it if I want to get a second job.

In other news, I got to see Catherine today! We found her a dress for her brother's wedding and we got to watch the second installment of the Hobbit! 

Back To Work

No shocker here, today's post is about going back to work. Uncanny right? Do you feel like a clairvoyant or what? 

As you might have guessed, I went back to work. I love being a Castmember. Some days I don't feel very magical but I get by nonetheless. So I went back and I was able to spread some pixie dust and magic on stage before helping backstage with house keeping tasks. I like being back, to gives me something to do. Yes, it time consuming but its a job and that is something that should never be overlooked or frowned upon. 

Today was also Mother's Day. I don't even know how many status and tweets and pictures I saw today about everyone's wonderful mothers. It was a lot obviously. Mother's Day was not this big of a deal when I was growing up. I made my mom breakfast or colored a car when I was younger but when she got sick Mother's Day activities kind of stopped or I don't really remember them. It weird to see everyone celebrating and not have that. Of course I have my sister but she's not my mother. Parental unit/ guardian yes. Mother? No. And we started to get along better when she acting like it. Of course I got her present (chocolate covered strawberries that she's had I think 3 out of 12) and went to brunch today but that's about it. You'd think I would be used to this by now.

Dance All Day

I dance all the time. I probably could have pursued a path as a dancer or a cheerleader. I'm coordinated and I've got rhythm but I do not have neither the self-control when it comes to food nor do I have the ability to make myself practice as much as it would have taken. At being said, I still dance. Brandi and I made a dance from scratch (okay some of the moves were from sources other than my brain) to perform. I participate in dance marathon as well. Go us. We love to dance.

My mom liked to dance too and my sister was a dancer and a cheerleader up until she moved to a different state. Her son appears to have inherited this trait as well. You see, for a good two Horus today he and I stood in the kitchen and danced to the kids stations on Pandora. The videos I now possess of him breaking it down will be fantastic to show him 12 years from now. 

It's beautiful 

Finding Your Faith

"These days I'm not sure if I know what I'm doing here or where I'll go but every night I say the same old prayer, God I don't have to see you to know that you are there" - Faith To Fall Back On- Hunter Hayes

This post came across today when I saw another of a particular 'friends'  posts perscuting a social group because he disagrees with their policies, beliefs,  and ways of thinking. I dislike this. It's okay to disagree with something but spewing firey hate for something so passionately because you don't agree? Why? 

As much as I love everyone for who tney are and what they do, my faith in humanity is very small. As a species we do many self-harming actions such as the murder of other humans, animals essential to the ecosystem, and the planet. We wage wars, attack others for being/believing different. People get violent over football teams for Merlin's sake. It's ridiculous and pointless. 

Now, to be fair, I participate in some of this myself. I never claimed to be perfect. This is something I want to work on but for now all I can do is comment on it. Another point I would like to be fair about would be the fact that the part of the song I quoted is a religious reference. I'm not what people would call religious. Religion never really spoke to me and I wasn't really encouraged to be religious by my mother. I believe that a higher being exists and I believe that what ever he/she/it is created us for a purpose and that he/she/it/they want to see us succeed. Other than that I don't feel like I'm qualified to talk further.

Anyways, the point of the quote (to me anyway) is that no matter what is happening in the world or how lost we feel because/ regardless of it you have to keep your 'faith' be it religious or non religious. Faith isn't inherently tied to a deity. It literally means "complete trust or confidence in someone or something; a strongly held belief or theory" on top of being able to being related to God. The God Hunter refers to in that song is the Christian God that he believes in. Go him. When he sings those lyrics I picture my version of a higher being. Go me. 

Find your faith. Keep it. Use it to your advantage and as a way of lighting up the proverbial darkness if you should ever come across it.

Or look at this picture :) 

I Love You

I do. I love you more than you will ever know. I love you as a person. I love you as a friend. I love you as a member of my family. I love you as someone I could spend the rest of my life trying to figure out  and sharing experiences with. I love you for your mistakes, your successes, what you're capable of, your faults, your dreams and ambitions, and I love you for being you. It might sound cliché but if you're reading this right now you need to know that I love you. You need to know that you mean something to someone (not just me) and that thinking otherwise is something you should tell yourself to stop.

Today/after yesterday's post was filled with "I love you" be it from my 5 year old nephew who can't stop latching himself to me or me saying "I love you" to Dylan O' Brien every time he graced the screen during The Internship. I got to say it even more today when I went to visit with my grandmother whom I haven't seen in too months and when I surprised my sister with early an Mother's Day present.

And then I thought about how often this phrase gets thrown around when people don't actually mean it or the number of children in the world who will never hear it from their parents. Just like I believe very child deserves a family, I also believe that every person deserves to believe and understand that they are loved and are capable of love. Accept love. Give love. Self-love.

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return." Moulin Rouge

I Should've Said

Assuming that everyone has something they look back on and wish they had done differently isn't a far fetched idea in my opinion. I personally have a laundry list of things I wish had panned out differently based on how I wish I had responded. More specifically, I have a list of occurrences where I wish I had spoken differently.

You know when you get into little spats with people and they turn into (sometimes) playful insult battles where the whole point is to come up with the best come-back? Think MTV's "Yo Momma." Now that we're all on the same page, you know that time after the come-back war is over and you think of all of the perfect little insults/sly sayings you could have said? That is essentially what I'm talking about when I say I have a lot of occurrences where I wish I had spoken differently.

My favorite least favorite past time is rehashing conversations and beating my self up over all the stupid things I said versus all the things I've come up with instead. Or when I don't say anything at and then hate myself for not telling someone like it is. For example, I have this friend who makes me want to shoot myself most times we talk. Do I tell this friend this? No. This friend would freak out and call me mean. Doesn't mean I don't want to tell this friend that they drive me insane. 

The whole point of this massive post is that I've realized there are things I never said to people I met in college that I'll probably never get to say. This really bothers me. I was never brave enough to just come out and say certain things to certain people and I dislike this about myself. How many time's has this happened before? What else have I not said? 

"The Child Hamster"

So, after trying on my new work costume, I was lucky enough to spend today with the beautiful Catherine and her boyfriend Alex as well as their furbabies. They collected me from the mall and then we went to a dog park here in Tampa so that their dog Penny could run around. Afterwards we dropped Penny off at home where Catherine also gave me some graduation presents!

One of them was this nifty little organizational calendar that I am sure is going to come in handy if I get accepted in to grad school so that is helpful. The other is pictures below and is one of a quite a few things that she has hand painted for me :) 

We then went to Macaroni Grill which was delicious (consumed so much food; sooooo manyyyy carrrbbbsss) and where we may or may not have been charged due to a technical difficulty they were experiencing. While we were there, I put my purse on the floor and asked Catherine to make sure I didn't leave it. Alex then suggested that I "put it in the child hamster behind you" referring to the highchair. It was perfect. 

Linner was followed by movies and video games at Catherine and Alex's apartment. Girl bonding is essential to life so I'm glad to have gotten to spend the day with her (and her furbabies) catching up!!

Today was also the day that Hunter Hayes' new album was available for download. Life is good.

Faith and Trust

"Oh yeah! And a little bit of dust!" -Peter Pan

Before I went back to school this year, I grabbed my planner and flipped to the notes section in the back of the book to write down a few things. 

You see, earlier that day I had one of many meltdowns about graduate school. "I'm not going to make it. I'm not going to pass the G.R.E. Who can I even ask about letters of recommendation?" I kept doubting myself and it felt easier to just throw my self on the nearest surface and sob or scream or just panic about the situation rather than trying to fix them. Well I started to have another meltdown later in the day and something kicked in and said "Absoultely not. No more of this," after which I was auto-piloted upstairs and started rumagging through everything to find a little red book. I found the notes section and with a red pen wrote down "I believe" statements until I couldn't come up with anymore. I furiously wrote until I was so tired of writing the words "I believe" and "I can" and " I am" that I wanted not to be able to come up with anything else. Until my hand hurt.

 I was writing them all down for multiple reasons. For one thing, I wanted to be able to turn to that page in my planner anytime I was having a doubting-myself kind of day and feel better. I was also writing them all down so that I had everything panned out if a teacher or a mentor told me they wouldn't write me a recommendation because they didn't think I could do it. I was writing them to believe in myself. As I finished writing them, I realized I already did; doubt was just blocking my view.

I post this today because I need to keep believing in myself as I settle in back at home for the next 7-12 months. I need to believe in my abilities to motivate myself to unpack, to look for jobs if I don't end up getting in to graduate school, to learn how to drive. Most of all I need believe in everyone else. I've learned that if I think the worst of people then I get the worst back. It's something in Psychology called a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy; I expect someone/thing to be one way so then I subconsciously treat them way X,Y, or Z and then they end up treating me the way I though they would. I can't let that happen. 

I need to believe that the people that I will eventually interview with at UCF and at Xavier will like what I have to say and what I can bring to their programs. I need to believe in my ability to land an interview at those schools. I need to believe in dreams, imagination, faith, trust, goodness. 

I encourage you to believe too.

(SIDE NOTE: EVERYONE PLEASE WELCOME CATHERINE TO THE DAILY BLOGGING WORLD!!! I BELIEVE IN YOU!!)

Time to Unpack

**WAS POSTED ON TIME BUT BLOGGER APP IS EVIL**

That ladies and gentlemen is only half of the stuff we packed into the Uhaul to bring home. The rest? Its in the garage waiting to either be sorted through or to stay there until I get a decision from grad schools. Now I must unpack all of it and find places for it and pray I didn't leave anything/throw anything away that I needed. I've already had one panic attack about it today. 

I posted a status already about this but I'll reiterate it here anyways; my time at Florida State has ended and its hard to believe. What do I do in fall when I won't go back to my beautiful campus or see my sisters or anything? I probably will go back. I'll go back and see Brandi an go to a game and be nostalgic. 

Anyone want to help me unpack? 

All In boxes

Just like that my time at college is over. I know that everything seems faster in retrospect but these past 3 years have flown by. It seems like Monday I just moved into my first dorm and then yesterday was graduation.  

Today I packed my life into boxes. Well, I started to. Above is a picture of what all I was able to het done. There is a bit more to shove in some sort of container but in essence, everything that I own, my entire life, is in those boxes. 

Leaving my apartment after two years with an amazing best friend as my roommate isn't easy. Going back home for a minimum of seven months is going to be a hard transition. 

We leave tomorrow at 7.

Three of Three

**THIS WAS ON TIME BUT THE BLOGGER APP DIDN'T POST IT**

Today my third and final graduation occurred and it means that I'm done with my undergraduate career. Done. Finished. 

Apparently this is a big deal. I'm not the first in my entire, extended family to get a college degree. However, I am the first in my immediate family. My mother didn't finish high school from what I know about her and I know my dad didn't go to college. My sister pursued other dreams. My dream from a young age was to pursue an education. I was primed to want to be the first one to graduate from college. I was constantly told to be and pushed toward being a successful, independent woman.

I accomplished obtaining my college degree today. I obtained my Bachelor of Science in Psychology and Family and Child Sciences and now the next step ia graduate school. 

Oh bou

Two of Three

I will have to go back and post a picture of my second "graduation" certificate when I am no longer at the library studying for a 7:30 AM final (WHY DOES THIS EXIST???) but that is what I did today.

I woke up, went to my Stress and Resilience professor to look over some PowerPoints for my test tomorrow, and then I went to get lunch with my BIGGGGLLLEESSSS!! She was in town to help out her sister (Ya'll know Brianna) and we all got to get Panera before she had to go back home. Afterwards, I said goodbye to Brandi who moved out of her dorm (suck it Smith) and went home for the summer. While that was not the last time that I will see Brandi, it might be the last time I see her in Tallahassee. Oh my goosssshhh.

The day ended with me running home, changing into my graduation regalia and then attending this ceremony called the Rite of A-rak-ke-ce-tv which is a Seminole Creek word meaning "to honor." Because I was involved with some many organizations on campus, I was given the opportunity to participate in this ceremony and receive a special, tribal graduation stole.


Now to learn four chapters of Stress and Resilience, review for five thousand hours, take my final final exam and then complete my third (and final) graduation ceremony. It's been real.